Dear Family Coach: I fear my child is a hypochondriac. I don't want to minimize real aches and pains, but I also don't want to feed into the attention-seeking behavior. How should I handle the constant barrage of health complaints? —Not-A-Medic Mom

Dear Mom: There is a difference between children who talk about somatic complaints as a way of obtaining attention and children who have significant anxiety about routine minor aches and illnesses. Before dealing with the barrage of complaints, it is important to assess the root of the issue. Does your child regularly have a headache that requires a visit to the nurse right before a test? Does dealing with the anxiety about minor health issues take up a significant amount of your time? Is your child missing out on typical childhood activities due to health complaints? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you may well consider seeking the help of a therapist to evaluate your child for anxiety.

If, however, your son just whines a bit about every bug bite, small scratch or minor bruise, he is probably seeking a bit of extra attention. Sometimes a simple Band-Aid or a minute with a boo-boo bunny can do the trick. Older children might need a different tactic. Instead of focusing heavily on the complaint just give your son the attention he is seeking in another way. When he points out the health issue, acknowledge it but move on to another topic. Give hugs freely if they are comforting and provide appropriate support and comfort in the event your child is truly sick or hurt.

Dear Family Coach: My son just turned 9, and I can sense his interest in having more independence. But sometimes it feels like I have to make constant little threats to get him to do anything. For example, "I'm going to throw away your shin guards if you don't put them away." There has to be a better way to foster his independence, no? —Nag

Dear Nag: Yes, there is a better way. Your threat is really a punishment for you, not your son. I'm assuming you bought those shin guards. Unless he is giving up soccer, if you toss them you will likely have to buy another pair in the near future. Alternatively, you are just making an empty threat and that is a bad idea too. I'll bet these threats rarely produce the stated consequence. Your son learned quickly that he doesn't really have to comply because you aren't actually going to follow through.

So, you need to teach your son to be more responsible and stop with the empty threats. Also, don't make threats that punish you more than your son. Instead, focus on rewarding him when he shows the ability to manage his belongings, chores and homework on his own. If he wants more independence, use that as the reward.

Over the next few years your son will have more desire for independence than actual ability. Find ways to build his skill level by offering increasingly more difficult tasks to be completed on his own. Remember that Rome wasn't built in a day. Your son will not do all tasks up to your standards immediately. Have some flexibility.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.