Dear Family Coach: My husband and I are not on the same page about parenting our kids. I feel like I am the sole disciplinarian. Sometimes it's even like I have an extra child. He comes home from work and only wants to play, play, play. This greatly affects bedtime and by then I am spent. His behavior also makes it much harder for me when I am home alone with the kids during the day. How can I get my husband to work with me, not against me? — In It Alone

Dear Alone: There are several reasons you and your husband are not on the same page. Because you are a stay-at-home mom and he is out at the office, you view your time with the kids differently. Many working parents struggle to enforce the rules when they feel they have so little time with the kids. And since they are at work during the day they may not worry as much about behavioral issues that result from their conduct. Another reason you might parent differently is because you were not raised in the same homes. Maybe you had authoritative parents and he grew up with eternal access to the TV and nightly double scoops of ice cream. The end result? Different models of parenting.

You will not be able to change every aspect of your husband's parenting, and it is unrealistic to try. Instead, talk to him about two or three rules that you would like his help enforcing. Don't be a jerk about it; don't be demeaning; don't express your fatigue and anger. Simply explain why you need his help. Remember, there are many ways to parent and sometimes the incongruence can actually create a terrific balance. Respect him for what he brings to the table, and he will be more likely to respect from where you are coming.

Dear Family Coach: I often see my grandchildren misbehaving or talking fresh. Their parents don't seem to notice. I would never have let my kids act that way when they were young. Do I have the right to say something to the child or the parents? — Disappointed Grandma

Dear Disappointed: To be blunt: No!

There is probably no advice less well received than the advice of a benevolent yet critical grandparent. If you want to stay in the good graces of your child keep your mouth shut. This is just an educated guess, but they are almost certainly aware of the indiscretions of their little darlings. Your job is to provide unconditional love to those grandkids, not raise them. And by the way, your kids did misbehave when they were younger. You just don't remember it. Cut them some slack.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.