Dear Family Coach: Our daughter is a very gifted volleyball player. Her coaches say she has great potential for a scholarship to a top college. Instead of that information motivating her, it seems to feed her ego. She isn't following through with her coaches' recommendations for training. I'm nagging her constantly because I'm afraid that if I don't, she will blow this opportunity. We are fighting, and it isn't working. Do I have to let this slip through her fingers, or is there something else I can do to push her? — Running out of Time

Dear Running: It never seems like a good time to let our kids fail, does it? All through their childhood, we protect our kids from the pain of their own actions (also known as consequences) because, frankly, we can. It's easy enough to run that homework to school when it's left behind. It doesn't seem like such a big deal to allow a teen to miss school because he wasn't ready for a midterm. And maybe it wasn't so wrong to work through the night completing that diorama because your kid lost interest and didn't budget enough time. Each instance of helpful intervention on its own isn't harmful. But when we cease to let our children experience consequences, we fail to prepare them for the world.

If you never feel a consequence of your action, or inaction, it's difficult to develop internal motivation. Feeling the pain of that D on the ill-prepared midterm is what inspires a child to prepare differently for the next exam. It's an equally strong motivation when a child has to sit out of a game because his GPA was too low. With your nagging and micromanaging, your daughter probably hasn't felt any of those pains. Don't wait to make her responsible until she flops in college. Do it now.

We give kids a driver's permit to give them time to practice with increased safety regulations and limitations. We do this to prepare young people to be conscientious capable drivers when we give them their license. Do the same for your daughter now. Take a step back and give her space to rise up or fail. Either way, it will be due to her own efforts, and those will propel her into adulthood.

Dear Family Coach: We have a family vacation planned to begin tomorrow. Our 6-year-old is throwing a fit because he doesn't want to go anywhere. He just wants to stay home and watch television. He's a mess. Please help us get on that plane? — Struggling

Dear Struggling: You have bigger issues than just this vacation. Your son seems to be used to running the show. He's showing this lovely display of behavior because he's learned it's effective in getting out of undesirable tasks or events. Furthermore, it sounds like he has been watching way too much television. A 6-year-old should have limited screen time, one to two hours maximum per day. I'm guessing your tantrum-throwing tot is getting a whole lot more than that.

The easiest way to get him on the plane is to stop discussing it. It's nonnegotiable. Pack his bag; put the bags in the car; stick the kid in his car seat; and drive to the airport. Sure, he will kick and scream all the way there. But when he sees there is no alternative, he will get with the program. And, starting tomorrow, drastically cut down his screen time. He'll likely complain, whine and cry (just like usual), but it will pass quickly if you don't give in.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.