Dear Family Coach: My kids are 5 and 7 years old, and they still ask my wife and I to help them wipe their bottoms after they poop. Is it OK to help them, or should we let them learn on their own (probably by making a mess and not wiping sufficiently)? — Wiped Out

Dear Wiped Out: This question really isn't just about poop. It's about letting children learn to take care of themselves. Parents who excessively coddle their children, known as helicopter parents, forget to teach them certain basic life skills. They are the parents who run on the soccer field to tie their 10-year-old's shoe because he never learned to do it himself. They are the parents who practically do their kids' school projects themselves so they receive a perfect grade. They are the parents who lay out their kids' clothes instead of letting them figure out what goes with what. These actions, although they're done with good intentions, are ruining a generation's ability to be independent. If you want your kids to eventually head off to college and live on their own as adults, back off now before it's too late.

As for the bathroom issue, I get it. Children are notoriously sloppy in the bathroom. They don't wipe well, and they leave messes in their underwear and around the toilet. It is disturbing for most parents, but especially so for those who struggle with the need for cleanliness. However, you are not doing them (or yourselves) any favors by continuing to wipe on their behalf. Sometimes children need to learn by doing and messing up — in this case literally.

Stop helping them immediately, and start teaching them how to wipe themselves. Show them appropriate bathroom hygiene. Make sure they wash their hands. It won't take long before they can take care of their bathroom needs on their own.

Dear Family Coach: I just read an article about the causes of early puberty. I'm terrified that my oldest daughter, who is only 8, is already developing. What should I do? — Devastated Mom

Dear Devastated: Take a deep breath. Now another one. And another one. You probably thought you had a few more years before you even had to ponder about puberty. It can be exceptionally disconcerting to see your little girl developing early. But, like it or not, right now your daughter needs you more than ever. So keep it together.

The first place you need to go is the pediatrician's office. Then you may need to go to an endocrinologist. Many children develop pubic hair and underarm hair, but they aren't necessarily starting puberty. It can be years before breast buds form. A doctor can help you assess where your daughter stands. If she is indeed starting puberty and the doctor says to let nature run its course, immediately focus your energy on helping your daughter through this transition.

Developing before friends and classmates sometimes forces children out of their peer group, because other kids sometimes don't know how to handle a bigger, hairier contemporary. Early puberty also tends to make young girls appear older than they actually are. This can sometimes lead older adolescents and adults to relate to them in inappropriate ways. Talk to your daughter about her bodily changes. This is not a one-and-done kind of conversation. Purchase a few age-appropriate books, and talk about the subject in a matter-of-fact way. Keep critical comments to yourself, and make sure she feels that your home is a safe space. If your daughter needs help dealing with any social issues, or if you have any lingering concerns, seek help from a therapist.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.