Dear Family Coach: I was recently speaking with the mother of my 4-year-old son's best friend, and she told me about parenting classes she is taking at her church. She mentioned that the teacher is emphasizing parenting techniques from the Bible, such as not sparing the rod for discipline. She constructed a wooden rod and is now hitting her autistic son whenever he has bad behavior or poor listening skills. I am against this type of discipline for many reasons, and I don't want my son to play at her house any longer. Should I discuss my concerns with the mother? How can I distance myself from this family without hurting my son or hers? — Against The Rod Mom

Dear Rod Mom: Discipline is part of an essential learning process for children. They aren't born with a moral compass, so desirable traits such as honesty, empathy and respect must be taught. Some people believe children should be hit with the traditional rod to foster respect and forgiveness, as well as bring them closer to Jesus. I am in no position to discredit a religious way of thinking. However, I am an expert in parenting, and this method is supremely flawed.

Children, especially young ones, may not understand that they are hit but cannot hit others. There is also a fine line between using the rod in discipline and using it in anger or frustration. Furthermore, children with developmental disabilities are less likely to understand the purpose of the hitting or learn the lesson. They'll be more likely to hit themselves or others. Furthermore, the use of hitting as a method of discipline may work on a preschooler, but it certainly will not on a 16-year-old boy. If other disciplinary techniques are not developed, parents risk escalating the situation into a physical altercation.

It is clear from your question that you don't condone this punishment. However, I don't think it means you have to completely cut his family out. I would certainly express your concerns to this mother. Instead of fighting against the practice on moral grounds, try to focus on the fact that her method is likely not to be an effective teaching tool for her son. It would be a shame for this boy to lose his pal because his mother because of this, especially if he is autistic and may have trouble making friends. Instead of after-school dates at his home, perhaps meet up in the park or at a play gym. She is not likely to break out the rod in public, so your son should not have any negative affects from associating with them.

Dear Family Coach: My son is the shortest kid in his class. It doesn't bother him, but I worry that he will get picked on. Should I talk to him about how to handle it before something happens? — Concerned

Dear Concerned: The quickest way to give your son a complex is to tell him to preemptively prepare to defend his stature. Many well-meaning parents believe their comments are constructive criticisms that would surely soften the blow of a mean classmate. But children don't digest those words as such. If you tell your son he is so short that kids might start to make fun of him, he might suddenly feel there is something wrong with him. Not all critical comments from peers are bad. If you're a sports fan (or if you're particularly short, like me), perhaps you remember Spud Webb, the pint-sized NBA point guard who was routinely mocked for his stature as a child. Well, he used the comments as fuel, and in 1986 famously won the NBA Slam Dunk Contest.

Now, your son may not be the next Spud Webb. But whatever he decides to do, his height won't be a deterrent if you don't make it one. If he complains to you, by all means help him through it. Otherwise, leave it alone.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.