Dear Family Coach: How do I keep from feeling like I'm back in junior high when I see all the other moms at school socializing but I'm not included? — Left Out

Dear Left Out: In a way, the schoolyard for parents isn't that dissimilar from junior high. There are different groups of people. Some are friends. Some aren't. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Would you honestly want to be friends with everyone who went to your school? I doubt it.

The real issue is feeling left out. When we see a group chatting away and laughing, we feel insecure (just like in middle school). And when we become insecure, we begin imagining a great conspiracy about being excluded. But often it isn't that way. Sometimes people have simply known each other longer or have a special connection. That doesn't mean they don't like you. It just means they may not be shopping for another friend at the moment.

It would be ideal if everyone welcomed everyone else to the party, but that's unrealistic. Instead of wistfully looking at the other moms and wishing to be included, go out and find your own group. Maybe those moms just need to get to know you. You could ask the one you know best out for coffee or a walk after drop-off. Or you could start a yoga group, or host a painting party, or have a speaker to your home and invite all the moms in the school to join. Soon enough, you will find your tribe and won't feel excluded any longer.

Dear Family Coach: I'm very concerned about letting my child play outside or walk to a friend's house on her own. She could be abducted or raped or sold into sex slavery. She could be hit by a car or get lost. How do I decide when she is old enough to play outside unattended? — Worried Dad

Dear Dad: Despite what we see on the news, it is still fairly rare for children in the United States to be abducted. I'm sure if I were sitting in your living room right now you would pull out a story or two of when this actually did occur. I know it happens, but it's rare. Children die in car accidents, yet we still drive them places every single day. We just take precautions to minimize the risk. The same is true for giving our offspring's independence.

Children get a great deal of satisfaction from being able to play outside or walk to a friend's house. Offering small freedoms builds up their skills for bigger adventures. You don't want to send your daughter off to college without ever having left the house unaccompanied. Better to teach her rules about safety and give her learning opportunities now than endlessly protect her.

There are no hard-and-fast rules for what age is best to allow child independence outside. Here are some good questions to help you gauge. Is your backyard fenced in? Do you live on a busy street? Are there sidewalks? Is she interested in walking or playing on her own? What's the norm in your neighborhood?

Try not to be influenced by hyperbole or internet sensationalism. Use the facts in front of you. Once you have established that your child may be ready for some independence, create rules and a training plan. Let the kid have some test-runs or practice with your supervision. For example, allow her to walk to school with you following 10 feet behind. Once you see she always looks both ways and stays on the sidewalk, you can feel confident letting her do it without you.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.