Quitting Infertility Treatments and Moody Teens

By Catherine Pearlman

February 27, 2016 4 min read

Dear Family Coach: My wife and I have a beautiful 5-year-old daughter. We had a difficult time conceiving her. Since her birth, my wife has been obsessed with getting pregnant again. We've already spent so much time and money on fertility treatments, and it's taking a toll on the family. We spend less time focusing on our newborn daughter, and our finances are stretched thin. I don't want to crush my wife's dream of a bigger family. But how can I tell her that I think it's time to stop trying? — Infertile

Dear Infertile: You and your wife are in a partnership. Even though she is the mother and the one who would carry a child, she isn't the only person whose feelings matter. You and your daughter are also important stakeholders and deserve a voice.

Besides being a medical condition, there are also psychological effects of infertility, such as depression, lower self-esteem, lower self-confidence and a feeling of lack of control over one's fate. In a vicious cycle, the infertility treatments sometimes become an all-consuming focus as a way to cope with the side effects of experiencing infertility. Stopping treatment may send your wife into a downward spiral of grief, anger and depression, which may further negatively impact your relationship. So it's important that you tread gently and mindfully.

I would begin by taking your wife on a walk, to the beach or some other quiet place to discuss your feelings. Focus on how you feel rather than what you think . Then, hear your wife out. After talking over the issues, see if you can come to a consensus about how to proceed. It might be helpful to see a therapist who has helped other infertile couples.

Dear Family Coach: My teenage son and daughter are the definition of moody. They are happy and loving one minute, and extremely grumpy the next. What is the best way to manage the roller coaster of their adolescent years? — Worn-Out Parents

Dear Worn-Out: You will have a much easier time navigating this rough patch once you understand more about why teens can get so moody. These days, puberty starts earlier than ever. Most teens are fully grown by the middle of high school. It can be quite confusing why a person who looks like an adult acts like a child. Teens are notoriously impulsive, lack empathy and insight and feel invincible. Their brains are rapidly developing. So they aren't able to regulate their emotions like adults; their reactions often flip-flop rapidly.

It might be helpful to think of your teens like you did when they were toddlers: They are interested in independence and have a flair for irrationality. So, trying to be orderly and rational doesn't work. Just because your teen is moody or emotional doesn't mean you have to engage. Don't try to regulate their cycle of emotions. Let them rise and fall like as they may. The good news is, bad moods often subside as quickly as they arrive; the bad news is that another swing is just around the corner. But just like toddlerhood, this phase shall pass.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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