Readers, we recently heard from Irresistible, who wondered how to brush off men "politely, but effectively."
Her friend's live-in boyfriend, Steve, had started chasing her. She wanted him to stop, but she still wanted to maintain his friendship, since he's living with her friend.
When she said "chased," she meant "chased." She was recently at a political/social event, and he was there without his girlfriend. He chased her around the room trying to monopolize her attention. She finally said, "It's been nice talking to you, but I have to run," and quickly left the building. He ran after her, chased her into the parking lot, and then stood in front of her car door, making it difficult for her to get in.
"The next day I put it out of my mind, figuring it was just one crazy incident," she said. But then he started sending her flirty emails. "I haven't done anything around him that I wouldn't do if my husband were standing right there."
She wondered why men with wonderful girlfriends still act like womanizers and asked for suggestions on how to should handle him.
I replied: "Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston. Billy Joel cheated on Christy Brinkley. Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary Clinton. If a guy's a cheater, he's going to cheat. It doesn't matter whom he's dating, living with or married to.
"Now, as for what to do, that's a little more difficult because there's a chance that if you do or say anything, he's going to twist it and tell your friend you've been coming on to him. That's a chance you have to take. As for maintaining his friendship, he's made that impossible.
"Ignore his emails. Don't take his calls if he starts pestering you. If that doesn't work, the next time you see him and he does anything out of line, tell him — in a voice that means business — that he needs to stop immediately. Don't threaten you'll tell his girlfriend. Let it be implied.
Irresistible is back with a follow-up. She says: "Steve and my friend bought a small resort in another state and moved there. I hadn't heard anything from either of them for ages. Lo and behold I got another e-mail from him just yesterday! I opened it almost by accident, as I was just scrolling through my e-mail. He invited me to spend a weekend at his resort because the skiing is so good this winter. Not a word about my friend. I don't know if they're still together.
"His e-mail sounded totally businesslike. If it weren't for my history with this fellow, I would assume it was an up-and-up attempt to increase legitimate business, with the exception of one red flag: He attached a picture of himself and not his resort! I do love skiing, but I think I'll take a pass on his resort!
"BTW, I'm taking all the good advice from your column and blocking his e-mails."
Have you ever been hit one by a girlfriend's boyfriend? Send your tale, along with your questions, rants and problems to [email protected] And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not.