Dear Cheryl: I'm 38 years old and single. My mother is always after me to get married. Believe me, it's something I want to do. I never thought I'd be pushing 40 and still be alone.

She called me the other day and said that I should settle for someone and then either let love develop over time or get a divorce. She said that a woman my age is considered damaged goods if she's never been married and that I'd have an easier time getting a husband as a divorcee than as an "old maid," as she so quaintly put it. What do you think? — I Don't Think I'm Ready to Settle

Dear IDTIRTS: There are two issues here. Let's take the second one first. Is a divorcee more marriageable than a woman who's never been married? I say no, no and no.

This is 2016, not 1916. Never marrying, marrying late and living with someone without being married are all options. The idea of a woman marrying with the thought of divorcing later just to get that first marriage under her belt is the height of cynicism. It makes a green-card marriage look like a romantic love match.

And what about the poor sucker, the disposable husband, who she's marrying just to get it over with? Is he in on the scam? Or is he being played?

As to your mother's first point, we have to define settling. If you marry a man you respect, a man whose lifestyle is compatible with yours with whom you enjoy having sex, share interests and values and have common goals, is that settling just because your toes don't curl when he kisses you? I don't think that's settling. I think it's being realistic.

There's a lot more to marriage than being with someone you can't wait to jump. That feeling rarely lasts, and if there isn't something a lot deeper to take its place, the marriage is doomed. Think about the men you were crazy about. How long did the crazy-in-love feeling last?

Dear Cheryl: My husband and I are retired. Our son, who's 37, lives with us. When he was 17, one of his closest friends was killed in a terrible accident. He wasn't with him because he had the flu. Several years later, the brother of the boy who died became dependent on drugs. Our son found him dead. And another close friend of his died suddenly of an aneurism.

So many deaths have affected him greatly. He's no longer social. He doesn't meet anyone at work and hasn't been lucky in love. But he's a sweet, tender, generous and loving man, a caring uncle to his sister's kids.

I sense he needs grief counseling and perhaps anti-depressant therapy, but since he's an adult I can't force him. — Sad Mother

Dear Sad Mother: Part of your son died along with his friends, so in a way you're not dealing with a 38-year-old man but a 17-year-old adolescent. You need to at least try to take a more active role in his life. You need to stress that people have overcome greater losses and gone on to have happy, fulfilling lives. Have the names of some therapists who specialize in grief counseling handy, and do whatever it takes to get him to go.

Send your tale, along with your relationship questions and problems to [email protected]. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."