Baron wrote in recently complaining because he was a virgin when he got married and his wife, Lucy, wasn't.

He says he seldom thought about this for most of their year marriage. "It wasn't until I got into my fifties that I began to think about her sexual history and my lack of one. The idea that I've only had sex with one person in my life is tormenting me."

The flip side is his obsession with Lucy's past. "I'm starting to wonder if she was a slut. There have been times while we're having sex when I think about the others that she's been intimate with before me."

Your thoughts ...

CHUCK: Baron's not alone. My friends and I, victims of our strict Catholic upbringing, were all married before the sexual revolution of the early '70s. Now we're bystanders in the current culture of free love, friends with benefits, and sex before high school graduation.

Men, by their nature, are not meant to be monogamous, so my repressed generation suffers. Baron's only hope is to share his feelings with his wife, tell her how fortunate she was to have had previous sexual partners and beg her to let him have sex with another woman before he dies.

My friends and I could try the same approach, but since most of us married equally inexperienced Catholic girls, we would have to be willing grant them the same wish.

BRENDA: Baron should just ask his wife about her past. If she has any sense, she'll say she had sex with one guy, or two or three at the most. But she may think he's nuts to be asking at this late date.

HAPPY: "Was she a slut?" What a charming thing to wonder about your partner of 31 years, the one who has shared her worldly goods with you, taken care of you, stood by you and comforted you during life's inevitable setbacks.

What difference will it make if Lucy shares her past? It doesn't change yours, and it doesn't change the way she has behaved since you've known her. What it will do is damage your relationship irrevocably, because there is no correct answer for her to give. Regardless of what she says, she loses.

JJ: I'll bet there are other issues involved here and therapy would be a good way for Baron to get to the bottom of them.

SUSAN: I understand wondering what else is out there and what you've missed. I've been with my husband for 20 years and never had another partner. I went through a lot of those thoughts, too. But at the time, we were having sexual problems, and a lot of those doubts where stemming from that.

I felt like our problems were because he didn't want me and wasn't attracted to me anymore because I wasn't good enough. (Do you want your wife to feel like that, Baron?) Our focus is now on enjoying our family and life together and just letting sex happen.

GLENDA: I've been on his wife's side and had a husband who said he loved my experience yet made me pay anytime he got mad at me. Baron needs to realize that his wife became the person she is because of her life experiences, sexual or otherwise. Also, she chose him and has stuck with him, not because of his sexual experience but because of the person he is. If he's having problems with the disparity in sexual experience, he needs to talk with a professional because HE'S the one with the issue. If he's dissatisfied with the sex they're having, that's a different issue than her sexual experience and his lack of. I think a professional would help him clarify exactly what's going on.

When was the minute you knew there'd be no second date? Send your thoughts, along with your questions, problems and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."