Charlie says when he was in his early 20s, he had a different view of dating than most of his peers. "I never got into dating a number of women all at once or just dating casually," he says. "I dated with the idea of eventually establishing a permanent relationship. So when I met the girl of my dreams, I couldn't believe it."
He says when he calls Lisa the girl of his dreams, he isn't exaggerating. "I literally dreamed I would meet someone who looked and acted the way she did. Nothing could have kept me from pursuing her. So I did."
They started dating, and Charlie brought up the subject of the future. "I didn't mention marriage, but I asked her what plans she had for the future. She said, 'Well, I don't plan to get married!'
"That should have been all the clue I needed, but I couldn't imagine life without her, so I asked her if we could continue dating. She agreed, and I hoped that she'd change her mind although when the subject came up — brought up by other people — she was always adamant that she wasn't interested in marriage."
Charlie says they dated once or twice a week for two years. He assumed they were exclusive. "Lisa never once said that she was seeing anyone else or that she wanted to. Not once."
Then one day, they were at a wedding when a friend came up to them and said to Lisa, "Congratulations!"
Charlie says, "Lisa quickly took her arm and moved her away from me. And I was so naive, I didn't think anything of it."
And then the next day, another friend called Charlie and asked, "So when are you and Lisa getting married?'"
"Wow, was that a kick in the head!" Charlie says.
Then Charlie did something amazing. Or rather he didn't do something.
He didn't call Lisa. Not then. Not ever.
"I didn't speak to her or see her for six years. I didn't want to hear any explanations, although I would have liked to know why she couldn't have been honest with me. When we finally did run in to each other, she apologized. By that time, I'd pretty much cooled off, so I didn't feel like heaping more grief on her. I'm not really a guy to carry a grudge. Once I let a painful thing go, it's out of my life. However, I must admit that that first time I saw her after all those years, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She still stunned me. That took a while to get over."
Charlie didn't date for three years after he found out Lisa was marrying someone else. "I decided to date again when a friend suggested that I'd been holding on to my anger long enough. I wasn't, but he assumed that since I was turning down chances to meet women in my social and religious circle. Nope, I just hadn't met anyone who I was attracted to enough to get me dating again.
"This all happened over 30 years ago. Lisa and I run into each other once or twice a year and I feel no resentment. She's been married three times. I've been married once and I'm still married for over 20 years."
Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."
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