Responses to Male Slut

By Cheryl Lavin

November 23, 2018 4 min read

Jake was a male slut.

When he was in college, his goal was to have sex with as many girls as possible. He meant to be faithful to his high school girlfriend, but when she cheated on him, he "cut loose." His campus was "a veritable Sodom and Gomorrah."

"I was a player who wasn't looking for Ms. Right, but rather Ms Right Now and Probably Next Weekend or Maybe Not if I meet Someone Else," he says.

By the time he was in his 20, he was "winding down." But it was his mother's death when he was 31 that made him realize it was time to grow up. He's now in a happy monogamous relationship.

Here are your thoughts:

JODY: Here's what bothers me about Jake: He never once admits that maybe, just maybe, being a male slut wasn't a very good thing to be. He acts as if it was all a learning experience because he learned something from all the girls he was with. He seems to think sleeping around was just an expression of his immaturity.

I can't help wondering what kind of husband he'll be to his girlfriend if they get married. He says that a man has no need to cheat if he has someone great in his life. That's well and good, but what happens when problems arise in a marriage and a spouse suddenly seems a little less great?

Marriage can pose a lot of challenges: financial worries, in-law issues, child-rearing difficulties and the problems involved with simply growing older. I believe if you want a faithful spouse, it isn't enough to have someone who's faithful because he or she loves you. You have to find someone who believes in marital fidelity. This is the person who will stay faithful even when marital difficulties give rise to the temptation to cheat.

As far as Jake goes, he may love the woman he's with, but I have no problem imagining him having an affair if his marriage becomes less than fulfilling. That's why I wouldn't consider a "male slut," even a reformed one, good husband material.

LANCE: I'm a slut, too, because I like sex and I like it with several different women. But there are ways to be a responsible slut. I've been snipped, so there's no danger of my accidentally fathering an unwanted child. I always use protection. I discuss STDs with my partners and get myself tested every six months. Plus, I only choose partners who are as vigilant about their sexual health as I am and are comfortable discussing it.

I also communicate honestly about exactly what type of relationship I want before getting sexually intimate and never make any pretense of being monogamous.

There are plenty of women who have chosen not to get involved with me for one reason or another. I don't take it personally because whatever their reasons, it all boils down to me not being what they want or need in a relationship. But there are also plenty of women for whom I'm the perfect partner.

In my opinion, if you're responsible about it, you can be a slut.

When was the minute you knew there'd be no second date? Send your thoughts, along with your questions, problems and rants to [email protected] And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."

Photo credit: at Pixabay

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