Dear Cheryl: I met a wonderful man over the summer. He has a great job and is very responsible. He's taken me out to dinner and treated me like a first-class lady.
I take very good care of my feet. I get pedicures, paint my toenails red and wear sexy sandals. He has a foot fetish and finds it very sexy. He loves to take my sandals off, message my calves and feet, and fondle and kiss my toes. I appreciate it. It feels wonderful.
We were talking one evening over a glass of wine, and he told me he had something to say. I thought, "Oh, no, he's ending it." Well, it wasn't that at all. He told me I'm a wonderful lady and he hopes we stay together for a long time, but there is something I should know. He said that he has another fetish. He was afraid that if it bothered me it would get in the way of our relationship. I insisted he share it.
He asked, "If you were to see a bug cross the floor right now, would you pick it up in a tissue and toss it outside, or would you get up and crush it?" I was calm and said, "I would probably squash it." He said, "That's it!"
I said, "You like to watch a woman crush insects?" He said — and I could hear the nervousness in his voice — "Yes."
I asked him whether this was a sexual fetish, and he said yes. I really didn't know what to say, but after we parted I went online to research, and it does exist.
I've always felt that things big and small have the right to live, but I also feel that bugs can be filthy creatures and that some deserve to be crushed, especially if they fly into your hair. I've crushed insects before and have felt sorry for them — all that crunching!
I don't want to lose this man. I feel if a small thing like crushing a bug makes him happy, then sorry, bug! But I'd like your opinion. — I'm Dating Cap'n Crunch
Dear I'm Dating Cap'n Crunch: If you're just enjoying his company on a short-term basis and all he wants you to do is crush the occasional bug that crosses your path, and if it doesn't gross you out knowing he gets off on it, then go for it.
But if you're planning on having a long-term relationship with him, then you need to know more — a lot more. First he sprung the foot fetish on you; then the insect-crushing fetish. Is there something more? Does he want you to stomp on goldfish? Baby mice? If he's going to ask you to put on stilettos and stomp on Mickey Mouse one day, I want you to be prepared.
And where does your friend get these insects? Is he content to wait till one shows up? Or does he have a ready supply of them?
I've heard from many women whose partners have a foot fetish. They say having someone worship their feet is heaven. But this is different. I went on the internet, too, and honestly, it made me nauseous. (There's was even a case in front of the Supreme Court about the legality of crush films involving small animals, such as kittens.)
Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected] And check out my ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."