This is my most politically incorrect column ever, and I know I'm going to make a lot of people angry. Having said that...

Dear Cheryl: I'm a male in my mid-30s, and I'm still a virgin. It's a monkey I would love to have off my back.

This has nothing to do with religious or moral beliefs. I didn't start dating till after college, and I haven't had any relationships with girls that have lasted long enough to have sex.

I'm usually told after a few dates that I'm a nice guy but that there's no connection. I don't know what this means and have no idea how to generate a connection. Is there some secret to chemistry? I find it hard to believe that after all these years it hasn't happened to me even once, whereas others have sex on first dates.

There's another problem. I'm terrified of the prospect of being in an intimate situation with someone and not knowing what to do. Is this something I should even bring up? My friends who are girls tell me that they would not date someone my age who has no experience in bed because they would think there's something wrong with him. — Get This Monkey Off My Back!

Dear GTMOMB: You've been assuming that if you felt a connection with a woman and she felt one with you, then you'd have sex with her and get rid of your monkey. So you want to be intimate with a woman, but you're afraid to be. You're running in two directions at the same time. That's a recipe for failure.

I think your fear of being intimate is what women are picking up on and what's causing the lack of connection on their part. I have a feeling your unhappiness over your virginity is inhibiting you with women. What if you went at it the other way? What if you lost your virginity first, then tried to have a connection with a woman? Your whole personality on a date might blossom. Sexual experience equals confidence equals attraction.

So, how do you get rid of your virginity?

Prostitution is legal in some counties in Nevada. And even where it's illegal, it's widespread. Conservative columnist George F. Will once said, "We legalized prostitution, as anyone who opens a telephone book and looks under 'escort' can tell."

I'm not recommending that you do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I'm just presenting an option.

If you don't it, let's think of another one. There are dating websites for virgins. And you'll find people on the internet who want to get together for sex without strings. You might want to check those options out. If you do, be careful and protect yourself.

Think about my suggestions, and let me know what you're going to do.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."