Dear Cheryl: I had a platonic eight-month friendship with a divorced woman who had experienced an abusive childhood and has ongoing financial problems. We met by chance and struck up a conversation.

She could be fun to be with. But it wasn't long before I noticed a narcissistic side. I believe she has narcissistic personality disorder. I read three books on the subject, which described her to a T. All three books led me to believe that the chances of her ever changing were slim to none.

We remained friends, but it was quite a challenge. I finally found that the friendship was just too draining. Phone conversations sometimes lasted hours with 99 percent of the time devoted to her problematic life. If I didn't see her point of view, she could become verbally abusive. Her behavior has alienated everyone. I think she's so sad that anger is the only wall that keeps her from imploding.

It's been a couple of months since we've communicated. We drifted apart just when she was diagnosed with an illness. I know we need to look out for ourselves and not become co-dependent, but it saddens me.

I'm troubled in that I don't want to believe that there are some souls not worth saving. (I know this statement has all the signs of a co-dependent personality.) But I'm not going to stop believing that we all can make a difference.

I guess I'd rather lean toward naivete than cynicism. What are your thoughts? — Even Do-Gooders Have Limits

Dear Even Do-Gooders Have Limits: I'm struck by your remark about souls being worth saving. Do you really think you can save anybody's soul? If that was your goal, you were bound to fail.

You can't fix anyone either. You can't make them healthier, smarter, nicer, more reasonable, less aggressive or luckier. You can't change them or make them want to change, either.

But some sort of a relationship with boundaries that are acceptable to you might still be possible. If you're clear about what you're willing to give her in terms of time and effort and you stick to it, you might be able to remain in her life at least a little. And that's if that's OK with her. If it isn't, then there's nothing you can do.

Dear Cheryl: A dear friend of mine has told her husband that she wants a divorce, but she's scared, so she doesn't go through with it. Her husband is a police officer and has been physically and emotionally abusive to her in front of their kids, family and friends. It's gotten to the point where he encourages the children, especially their son, to disobey and disrespect her. The boy has even struck her.

Friends and family have begged her to leave him. She's afraid for her safety and also worried about her finances and whether the kids will miss their father.

Sadly, her husband is not the first abusive man in her life. Even if she left, she'd be vulnerable to the next man like him until she understands why she stays. What do you think about this? — Good Friend

Dear Good Friend: One of the most frustrating things is watching someone we care about make a terrible or possibly fatal mistake. Please encourage her to see a therapist. Hopefully she'll see her patterns and gain the insight and strength needed to leave.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."