Is there a right way to break up with someone? We recently heard from a reader who was suspicious of people who didn't stay friends with their exes.

Nate said: "If I cannot maintain a friendship with any of my exes — people I spent months or years being very close to — how on earth can a prospective date expect things to go well between us? ... Remember, whomever you're dating right now will probably be an ex someday."

ELIZA: What if someone's ex abused them, physically or emotionally? What if their ex cheated on them and made their life a living hell the entire time they were together? What if their ex lied to them, telling them everything was their fault?

Your current date may be too ashamed of staying with their ex for so many years, or they may be just trying to move past such a toxic time in their life by not mentioning it. Cutting the ex out of their lives might be the only sane thing to do.

I had a horrible breakup: a divorce after 10 years. I think I handled it with grace, but over the years I've found that I can't have a conversation about my ex-husband without having diarrhea of the mouth. So I stay quiet, or I say that I divorced him with reason. (I live in New York, where there is no no-fault divorce.)

I learned a lot from the breakup. I expect respect, honor, love and trust in a serious relationship. If I see even a whisper of my ex in a prospective date, I'll end the relationship before it even begins. But be assured that I won't badmouth him to any future dates.

RICH: I have to disagree with the comment that cutting off all contact with an ex should be seen as a red flag. Sometimes the best way to get over the pain and loss is by forgetting the whole pathetic episode, if possible. Having been burned a few times, I don't want to relive the experience by running into those exes. And no, I don't discuss exes except to say they were very fine people. And no, I have no idea whatever happened to them. I'm sure they don't give a damn about whatever happened to me.

ALISSA: It's cynical to think that whoever you're dating now will probably by an ex someday. If he goes into all his relationships thinking like that, it's no wonder he has an issue. Not everyone dates a lot of people before finding the one. That very next person you date may be the one you were looking for.

He wants his potential partners to have good relationships with past loves. This is the last thing I want. Whether my prospective love was the dumper or the dumpee, I hope it's over and that they've moved on. I certainly don't want to come home to a phone conversation between my boyfriend and his ex or hear they're meeting for lunch. I want my boyfriend to be ready to be, with me with no feelings left for his ex. If there are no kids involved, there's no reason why someone should have a relationship with an ex. It's over.

Got a problem? Send it to [email protected]. And check out my ebooks, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."