Dear Cheryl: I'm 35, I've been divorced for three years, and I have a young child. I'm dating Adam, a divorced man with three children all under the age of 10. Everything is wonderful, except I'm afraid to tell my parents about Adam because of his children. I've been keeping this a secret for many months now.

My parents think I should be able to find somebody in this world without the baggage of multiple children. They're very conservative and stubborn in their views.

I think there could be a future with Adam, including marriage and another child. I want to have another child in the next few years; I don't want to end up alone. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to risk alienating my family.

Blended families are difficult, but I think we could make it work. I also feel that if I listen too much to my parents I'll never find what I am looking for, and will spend the rest of my life trying to please them. — Devoted Daughter

Dear Devoted Daughter: Marriage is difficult. Marriage with stepchildren is more more difficult. Marriage with multiple stepchildren is even more difficult. And marriage with multiple stepchildren all under the age of 10 is off the charts.

So what? You can make it work if you love Adam and he loves you, and if you're both realistic about the challenges involved.

But — and this is a big but — before you think about marriage, you and Adam have to think hard and realistically. This is where your head comes in, not your heart. Starting your own Brady Bunch might sound like fun, but it takes an enormous amount of planning.

First of all, four (or five) kids is a huge financial undertaking. Do you work now? Will you have to work if you marry? How will you feel about working to help support his kids? How would he feel about working to support your child? It's important that everyone in the house have the same standard of living. If your child has more because her father buys her extra stuff, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

There are even more considerations. Where is everybody going to live? Do his kids live with him or his ex-wife? How do you get along with her? How does he get along with your ex-husband? How do you get along with his kids? How does he get along with your child? Do you agree on parenting techniques? There can't be two sets of rules in one house.

These are just a few of the issues you have to work out before you commit to each other and involve all these kids in your decision. If you can work it out, then go for it.

As for your parents, you have to accept that they're not going to be happy with your decision. But I have a feeling they've never been happy with any of your choices. They sound like controlling people who are only happy if they're pulling your strings. Your responsibility is to yourself and your child, not to them.

If and when you decide to marry Adam, tell them of your decision, but don't ask them for their advice. Hopefully, when they see how happy everyone is, they'll come around. If not, it's their loss. Good luck, and stay in touch.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."