Today's column appears to be about two very different topics: monogamy and honesty. But they're really related. Because if you don't practice the first, you may not want to practice the second. Think about it ...

ANDY: I recently met a woman through the internet who was quite upfront about rejecting monogamy. On a logical level, she made some sense. She said you don't expect one person to satisfy all your desires and share every hobby and passion you wish to indulge. Nobody feels bad if Jane Doe goes to a scrapbooking convention while her husband and his best friend build a deck together. Why do people expect that Jane will meet every one of John's bedroom needs and vice versa? Speaking from experience, most women I've been with require more novelty than one man can provide.

Despite the logic and the ample evidence — look at how often monogamy fails — there was an emotional reality I just couldn't get over. Physical intimacy requires a level of trust that I personally cannot build up without exclusivity. I lack the ability to enjoy it the way one might enjoy a sport or other relatively casual social interaction.

As far as I can tell, monogamy is probably the least problematic option for me, in part because my libido disappears in the absence of established intimacy. Still, I have to acknowledge that monogamy is an unrealistic and unhealthy goal for many people, especially when enforced as an absolute requirement.

Sadly, openly non-monogamous people face so much discrimination that they have a huge incentive to withhold information. Sometimes they even con themselves into believing that they can survive with just one partner. When faced with deciding between disclosing something that will probably end most dating relationships and withholding the information as long as possible, most people will live the monogamous lie as long as they can evade detection. There's no way to reduce the lying without removing the stigma associated with inconvenient truths.

ALLISON: When people confess all their past indiscretions, I think it's because there's a partner wanting to know and bugging and bugging them about their history until they tell them. The alternative is not telling and just saying, "It's none of your business." That leads to them assume the worst and continue to question their partner on why they won't tell. They'll say, "You're not telling because you've slept with a lot of people or you've done something really shameful in your past."

I've never dated a guy in my adult life who didn't insist on knowing the number of men I've slept with. It's gotten to the point where I don't know what to do because nothing I've said has ever satisfied them. The number can never be right either, and I know because I've varied it up and down in an attempt to hit the right one and say what I think they want to hear.

And it's not as if these guys were the jealous type. They weren't accusing me of cheating or being promiscuous. It's just that eventually, they just all wanted to know my number, and sometimes details! So crazy!

How do you feel about monogamy and honesty in a relationship? Send your thoughts, along with your questions, problems and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."