Dear Cheryl: I'm 41 and not very experienced when it comes to dating. My first date was when I was 39. I met a woman on a blind date. We conversed over coffee and cake for over four hours. I thought we had possibilities, so a few days later I asked her to dinner. The date went well and our conversation was again lengthy. I took her out two more times. (I did all the calling and inviting.) Both times there was a lot of laughing and I hoped she might be the one. I was a gentleman at all times. We never held hands or kissed.

I left her a voice mail over two weeks ago, but she hasn't returned it. Have I been used? Should I call one more time and ask pointed questions: Where is this relationship headed? Am I the type of man you're looking for? Or do I just walk away and keep looking for Ms. Right? How do I know if the voice mail even got through? I've had people tell me they left a voice mail but my phone didn't show it. — Still Learning

Dear Still Learning: Four dates without even a goodnight kiss would indicate friendship, not romance. Send her flowers with a warm note saying something she can't misinterpret, like "I miss your lovely smile." Then call her and make a date. If she accepts, turn up the heat. Give her a peck on the cheek when you first see her. Hold her hand. Invite yourself in after dinner. Let her know you want the real deal.

If she doesn't want another date, don't bother with the questions. Move on. And next time, don't be such a gentleman.

Dear Cheryl: The friendship between my significant other and his ex-wife makes me uncomfortable. She moved out years ago, leaving him with the house and their teenage son. After a few months, we started dating. That's when she decided she wanted him back. For a while, he went back and forth between us. But two years after she moved out, their divorce was final.

I have no doubt he loves me, but he and his ex-wife and their son, who's now in college, spend serious family time together when the boy is home from school. Dinners, shopping, hanging out. I can't go because she's said that if I'm there, she won't be. They're together Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I'm either at the Laundromat or volunteering to work so others can have the day off.

Am I wrong to feel peeved? I'm still finding presents he got from her for Christmas and it's driving me nuts. My cutting remarks to him about the gifts are driving him nuts! — Third Wheel

Dear Third Wheel: Unless you're going for sainthood, you should be more than "peeved." You should be furious! Your significant other is shortchanging you big time.

(And by the way, why isn't he your husband? Hm? You've been together a long time and he loves you. Doesn't he?)

You deserve his respect. Expecting you to spend Christmas alone is wrong. And so is the connection he's maintaining with his ex-wife. Being civil, polite, even friendly to an ex-spouse is one thing. But all this time and gift-giving is another. It's time for him to cut the emotional apron strings and commit to you.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."