Can people change? Or do we keep falling for the same lies? Do we keep marrying the same person over and over again? Do we keep doing the same stupid things and wonder why they keep turning out the same stupid way?

No!

Today we hear from Mackenzie and Trisha, who finally said enough is enough.

MACKENZIE: I've spent the last year getting an education in personality disorders. After staying in an abusive marriage for 40 years, I finally filed for divorce last year. My husband cried, begged and pleaded for me to change my mind. He said I'd never seen the loving, contrite person he could be. I fell for it. We went to counseling and went on cruises and road trips, and we had a fairy tale life — for four months.

It started with little things. Then all the old behaviors resurfaced. He was controlling. He would yell then be contrite. He was cold and indifferent. He flirted with other women, went to strip bars and looked at porn. He just got very comfortable again.

When I went back, I had told him that I would never again settle for anything but the best; a healthy marriage. So I'm packed and ready to leave and refile. I'm in group therapy, learning healthy boundaries for relationships. I've read everything I can find about personality disorders (narcissism, borderline personality disorder and sociopathic behavior) and verbal abuse.

I'm not sorry I returned to the relationship. I would have missed the education I've acquired and always wondered. Knowledge is power, I now know why he acts the way he does. Men who abuse and cheat are driven by an irrational fear. It's an uphill battle for them to get healthy and stay healthy, and that's only if they recognize that they need help and then seek it.

There are warning signs. Abusive men are very charming to outsiders and in the beginning of the relationship. It's so easy to get sucked in and a nightmare to get out. Educate yourselves, ladies.

TRISHA: My ex-girlfriend had serious health problems but pushed herself to the absolute limit, chiefly for work and education. Since she didn't take care of herself (or her home, or her car) she was constantly getting sick or injured. The end result was that she bounced from one emergency to another.

I admit I enabled that workaholic behavior even though I was working three jobs. I fixed her leaky roof and her broken air conditioner, installed a new water line and set aside a day every week to spend time with her. But it wasn't reciprocated. I eventually noticed that she canceled dates with me — particularly when it was her turn to treat. She stood me up to work overtime and failed to respond to invitations. She didn't do that to her brother, her work friends or her role-playing game buddies.

I got tired of having her take from me in order to give to others, and I dumped her.

Have you made healthy changes in your life? Send your tale, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."