Dear Cheryl: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other since December 2014. We started living together in January. He's a widower with two kids, a boy and a girl. His son and daughter-in-law live with us. His son is 32; his wife is only 19.
I have a problem with my boyfriend's relationship with his daughter-in-law. They're very close, which I think is unusual. They talk every night from 7 p.m. till 11 p.m. He gives her everything she wants. When she and his son have an argument, he always takes her side. I can't stand my situation anymore and told him I'll leave him if it doesn't change. He tells me that I'm wrong and there's nothing going on between them.
Meanwhile, his daughter-in-law doesn't want me around. She told him to kick me out. I want to leave him, but my heart is telling me to stay till I discover something between them. Sometimes I think of doing harm to myself just to get even, but I'm able to control myself. — Confused
Dear Confused: This sounds like the plot of a Tennessee Williams play. And his plays never had happy endings.
You need to get out. Something weird is going on in the house — something seriously unhealthy. At the least, your boyfriend is emasculating his son, and your daughter-in-law is excited by two men fawning over her. At the worst, well, let's not go there. But those are their problems. Don't make them yours.
You need to separate yourself from the situation immediately and go to therapy. You need to recover your sense of equilibrium and get back to a healthier state. Hurting yourself to "get even" is never, ever an option.
Dear Readers: Red Hot Momma wrote in recently to complain that she and her boyfriend, who are both in their 50s, used to have "hot, passionate sex" all the time. But, lately, that's changed. She thinks he's having an affair when he goes out of town, and she's ready to dump him. Here are your thoughts.
REYNOLDS: All Red Hot Momma talked about was the hot sex she'd been having with her boyfriend for three years and how hot she was and how she turns other men's heads.
But hot sex is only the bait. Sustaining a relationship takes more. Maybe all she's been having these three years is sex, and she doesn't actually have a relationship at all. And just because he likes sex with her doesn't mean he won't like sex with someone else more. The other woman doesn't have to be more physically appealing. She could be a better companion who doesn't pressure him to perform.
Red Hot Momma sounds high-maintenance to me, like she needs constant reassurance of her hotness. Maybe the thing he enjoys most about his business trips is a chance to get away from her. Good luck to her finding a real relationship based on hot sex alone. She's in her 50s now. What's she going to do when her hotness cools?
ANDREA: Red Hot Momma used the word "passion" three times in her letter. Maybe her boyfriend wants more than passion in a relationship. Maybe that's all they have in common.
What do you talk about when the passion cools?
Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."
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