Dear Cheryl: My husband was hurt at his job before we got married. When we married, he was in the middle of a lawsuit over it. We've only been married a year and now he wants a divorce when his case is settled. I have two questions. The first: Does he have to give me half the money from the suit because we were married when it was settled? The second: How long do we have to be married for him to give me alimony? — Blushing Bride

Dear Blushing Bride: My sweet flower, you need a lawyer, not an advice columnist. But I don't think you're going to like your prospects.

Dear Cheryl: I've been married for 17 years. My wife and I have not made love since she became pregnant with our first child who is now 14 except when we were trying to have a second child. She would tell me when she was fertile and we would have intercourse once, sometimes twice, a month.

It wasn't making love; it was a chore. We haven't had even unsatisfactory sex for 10 years.

My wife uses every excuse in the book to avoid sex. "I'm tired." "Sex is too painful." (She says she has endometriosis.) "You're too fat." (I'm not that fat.) "Not now," etc. She won't have anything to do with any kind of sex. She has never initiated sex. She has never enjoyed sex with me. I'm a very skilled lover, but she won't let me prove it.

I don't think she's having an affair, but I'm beginning to wonder if she's gay but won't admit it. She's never been very feminine, won't wear lingerie, and doesn't like to dress or look sexy. She doesn't seem to need an intimate relationship. Our relationship is like that of brother and sister, not husband and wife.

I'm 40 years old, healthy and very sexual, and I've given most of my best years to my wife, who's 50. I've had to resort to masturbation on a daily basis to satisfy my needs. A few years ago, I met a woman who was also very sexual. We had great sex a few times, but the relationship never went anywhere because I wouldn't commit to her.

Since then, I've seen a variety of escorts to satisfy my needs. I'm starving for affection and intimacy. I no longer feel guilty because I don't think my wife really cares about my needs. I've tried to get her to go to counseling, but she refuses. The only reason we're together is because of our kids.

I need help. Life is short. Helpless and Lonely in the 'Burbs

Dear HALITB: You say life is short, but actually, life can be very long. You're 40 years old. You could live another 40 years. Can you imagine being this unhappy for four more decades?

Sit down with your wife and explain the situation as honestly as you can. Don't blame her. List your options: 1. Stay married and continue to be miserable, 2. Try to repair the relationship if she'll go to counseling with you, 3. Have an open relationship that allows you to see escorts and/or have affairs, 4. Divorce.

Work out a solution with her. And don't assume divorce means the end of your relationship with your children. Good luck and stay in touch.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."