Dear Cheryl: My girlfriend and I are both in our late 40s and having been living together for five years. We're both divorced. I get along very well with my ex-wife and my children. My girlfriend had a very bitter divorce. Her ex-husband was cheating on her. The children knew about it and sided with my girlfriend over their father. Even though they've been divorced for 10 years, the children have never forgiven him. Their relationship with him is polite at best. They see him once, maybe twice a year, and it never goes well.

He has recently been diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer's. He has reached out to his children for help in dealing with it. He has no other family and not many friends. The kids have told him that they can't be bothered with him. They said he wasn't much of a father to them and they don't owe him anything.

Which leaves my girlfriend. There are many decisions that must be made, and she feels she'll have to make them once he can't make them for himself. I understand that she can't just walk away from someone she was once married to who also happens to be the father of her children. But I resent her having to bear this entire burden alone. On the other hand, I certainly don't feel any responsibility toward him. Any advice? — How Did I Get Into This Mess?

Dear How Did I Get Into This Mess? Your girlfriend certainly has no obligation to help her ex-husband. But — and it's a big but — I think there are a few things she should do. The first is to call a family meeting. She needs to sit down with her kids and explain that any help they give their father is really help they're giving her. She's not going to turn her back on her ex-husband. That's the biggest hurdle — getting the kids on board.

Then, the kids have to sit down with their father and his doctor and get a clear picture of what they're dealing with. They need to educate themselves so they know what they're up against. There's probably support available to them in the community. They need to get in touch with the right people to access it.

The bottom line: I don't think your girlfriend will ever regret helping out a fellow human being, and I doubt her kids will resent being better children to their father than he was a father to them.

And in the best of all worlds, they may even forgive him and have a relationship with him for the first time in their lives.

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