More on Booty Calls

By Cheryl Lavin

June 10, 2017 4 min read

Booty calls have come up in several recent columns. Eddie gave us his rules for them, which included no talking, sleeping over or acknowledgement of each other outside the bedroom.

I thought they were kind of harsh. Jeremy agrees with me. Here are his rules for booty calls.

JEREMY: 1. At times in a person's life, these statements may be true: "I'm not in a good place to date you seriously right now" and "It's unhealthy to leave physical desires unmet." There's no basic conflict between them.

2. If there were no prior dates between the two parties and there's no possibility for any future dates, it's less a booty call and more a hookup with a random stranger, which is often less fun and more icky than a booty call.

3. There are lots of ways to treat someone like a human being — a little bit of talking, basic acknowledgement of physical intimacy — without approaching the line between booty call and dating, much less crossing it.

4. Much of our adult life will happen before, after and between long-term partners. Few of us can tolerate many months or years of celibacy, so booty calls (and other things) are part of the typical diet. People who feel shame or cause shame over these basic facts are often poor booty call partners.

5. If I'm distant or unkind to my booty call partners, I'm displaying a basic character trait. If I have so little libido that I am not interested in booty calls, or so little skill that I cannot make them happen, these are also character traits.

READERS: We've been rather lighthearted about booty calls. Eliza would like to say that there's nothing funny about them.

ELIZA: Here are the best reasons to never, ever be a booty call, and to move to another town (preferably in a different state) if you've been one.

Men talk to each other differently than they talk to women. By referring to you as a booty call to your face, they're actually being polite. But to each other, they refer to you as a toilet — the place where they dump things.

If you don't move, you will never be able to outgrow or outlive this reputation. No matter what good or stellar things you might do, from here on you're labeled. Gossip will precede you. And it will get worse.

If you have a daughter or ever have one in the future, the monsters will assume that she is, or will one day be, a chip off the old block. But they will not call her that. They will call your sweet, innocent child a urinal.

The only way to possibly stop them is to never have sex of any kind before you know a man as a person. That takes a lot of time. The creeps and rats will get bored waiting for you to put out and go looking for an easier victim. Of course, they'll probably try to smear your name on the way and call you a tease.

Don't give them any ammunition. Always be tough and serious.

In 2017, when hookups and booty calls seem to be a fact of life, is there still such a thing as a bad reputation? Send your thoughts, along with your questions and rants to [email protected] And check out my ebooks, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."

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