Longtime readers (You know who you are, and I thank you!) know that I'm not a big fan of having friends of the opposite sex. I know, I know — there are a million exceptions. But, in general, I think it's a bad idea and asking for trouble. Who needs it?

Today we hear from Jason and Lane, who have had very different experiences with opposite-sex friendships.

JASON: Sharing an interest with members of the opposite sex is not an indication of infidelity, just a desire to share an activity. My five-year emotionally and physically faithful relationship with my wonderful partner confirms this.

We've always shared the belief that we're here to increase each other's individuality, not decrease it. And that includes honoring our relationships with both men and women.

Early on, when our romantic relationship was still developing, I shared my plans to take a two-week out-of-state camping vacation with my best friend of 15 years, who's a woman. These plans existed before the beginning of our relationship. My partner had already become important to me, so, as lovingly and tactfully as possible, I informed her that if she were upset about my plans, I would help her as much as I could, but at the end of the day I was informing her, not asking her permission.

Her supportive response to this vacation, and to the other decisions I've made in my life — including vacations I've taken with others — has become one of the ways we show our love toward each other.

However, I do draw the line against being friends with former lovers. To me, loving relationships involving sex that morph into permanent friendships are so laden with the possibility of being emotionally destructive that I won't con myself into thinking I'd ever be mature enough to accomplish this.

Lane: My wife and I were best friends with a couple I'll call "Jill" and "Sam." We did things together as a couple, including traveling. Our kids grew up in and out of each other's homes.

You can imagine how devastated we were when they decided to get divorced after 17 years of what we thought was a very happy marriage. My wife and I vowed not to take sides, and to remain friends with both of them.

I would see Sam for an occasional drink after work, and we continued to play racquet ball together. I didn't really keep in touch with Jill, but I'd hear about her and how she was doing from my wife (not very well).

My wife continued to see Jill as often as ever. They'd have lunch, go shopping, talk on the phone, etc. She and Sam would also have lunch occasionally. She said he respected her opinion, especially once he started to date. He wanted to know what she thought about the different women he was interested in. He told her he needed "a woman's touch" when it came to picking out clothes, cologne and a new barber.

To make a long story short, 18 months after Jill and Sam got divorced, my wife asked me for a divorce. She and Sam are now making plans to marry, and I feel like the biggest sucker ever born.

Are you friends with your exes? How does your partner feel about it? Send your tale, along with your questions and problems to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."