Today we hear Mandy and Lily respond to two recent columns.

MANDY: I was disturbed by the letter from the middle-aged woman who said she'd been tasked with doing a PowerPoint presentation for her 75-year-old mother's life and her mother had never even told her she'd been adopted by the man she'd always called Daddy!

The mother's earlier sex life was a secret. Even after the daughter learned it, it was still a family secret. If the daughter tells the truth in the presentation, that means "outing" her secret. If she omits the truth of her own origins, that raises the whole thing from a family secret to a public lie. Obviously, the mother expects her daughter to lie for her.

This really struck a chord in me because my mother and I had the secrets-and-lies relationship about her sex life, too. My parents' marriage was unhappy, but they were of a generation that didn't believe in divorce. Mom did what so many desperate housewives in her generation did: had a series of love affairs with different men. I knew this because she often confided in me as the unwilling keeper of her secrets. She treated my dad like the back-up relationship, and he apparently didn't object.

These secrets were bad enough, but I put my foot down when she wanted me to lie publicly for her. She started planning a big formal 35th anniversary party for her and my dad.

About two weeks before the party, she called me and confessed the real reason for the party was to make her most recent ex-lover jealous. She'd sent him an invitation and was sure that the sight of it would somehow make him rue the day he left her. (Ha-ha!) Then, in the very same conversation, she asked me whether I would make a big speech about how happily married she and Dad had always been!

I told her no. After considering, I decided to send my regrets to the whole event. I knew she wouldn't allow me to attend without constantly pestering me to get up and lie for her. My mother was quite angry when I said no, but I felt better refusing her unreasonable request.

LILY: In regard to "Still Grieving," perhaps the reason his dying wife said she never loved him was because she loved him very much. I'm going to suggest that he look at what she said from a different angle. She knew she was going to die. Isn't it very likely that she knew just how much he would grieve and suffer after her death? No one wants to think about their loved one having to suffer like that. Maybe she thought that if she did something to make him hate her, her death wouldn't be so hard on him. And perhaps she thought that he would find someone soon after her death so he wouldn't be alone.

I don't think his wife could fake loving him for so many years. I think this was her putting on a brave front to help him move on after her death.

What do you think about parents who expect their children to cover up and lie for them? Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."