Dear Cheryl: I found out when I was 34 years old (13 years ago) that my dad was not my biological dad. My dad passed away several years ago, and I don't have the best relationship with my mom, so I don't know the story of what happened.

My mom will soon celebrate her 75th birthday, and she's having a huge party. My niece and I are tasked with compiling her life for a PowerPoint presentation. The big gap is her years as a grad student when she had me.

Last December, I went to Hawaii on vacation and took a side trip to visit my aunt. She gave me the name of bio dad. I finally Googled him last Sunday. I think I've located him, and I sent him an email to get information about my mother during those years. I didn't make any reference to him being my father. I don't need a father. I had a great one.

I'm just curious. How would you proceed? — Bio Daughter

Dear Bio Daughter: There are two issues here. The first is the party. I don't think you should include any information in the presentation that you get from your father. It could only make your mother upset and nervous. She's been keeping him a secret for many years. Let it stay that way. I don't think a gap of a few years in a 75-year life will be that noticeable.

The second issue is you. You don't need a father, but at some point you might want to make contact with him and his family. It's not a betrayal of the man who raised you and the man you loved. It just seems like a very natural thing to want to know about your biological parent.

Dear Cheryl: I was with my wife for 30 years, married for 25, until she died. During her two major cancer-related surgeries, I never left her side. I gave her my heart and soul.

Two months before our 20th anniversary, she told me that she didn't love me anymore. For the next five years, until her death, she continually let me know just how useless I had always been to her.

To this day, her remark and the last five years of her life have left me in a pit from which I will never escape. — Still Grieving

Dear Still Grieving: When people are ill, they say and do all kinds of things they don't necessarily mean. Sometimes they're angry and they need to lash out. The ones closest to them are the ones who bear the brunt. Sometimes medication changes their personality. During the last five years of her life, your wife was probably incapable of loving anyone.

The only really important thing is that you make the most of the rest of your life. Dwelling on whether your wife was ever in love with you is a waste of time.

You need to let the pain go. Focus on the first 25 years, not the last five.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my ebooks, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."