Dear Cheryl: I'm worried about my best friend. She recently cleaned up her act and started going to college. She has even been sober for almost six months. However, she came back from college for the weekend and started talking about the Discordians.

She told me that it's a religious group of artists and philosophers and something about eating hot dogs. I'm worried that she'll get involved with the wrong people.

I've talked to many people, including the ministers at a local church, a friend who's a police officer and a friend who's a psychology professor. They know nothing about Discordians or devivals. I just want to make sure that my friend is going to be OK and is not making some kind of mistake. — Concerned

Dear Concerned: Count me among those who've never heard of Discordians or devivals. I went to Wikipedia, and here's what I found: In a nutshell (emphasis on nut), Discordianism is a religion kind of thing. It's "the thinking prankster's religion." A devival is a meeting of Discordians at which hot dogs are sold.

Is your friend pulling your leg?

Are you pulling mine?

Dear Cheryl: When I was 22, I got pregnant by a loser who mentally abused me. He quit his job two weeks after our baby was born because he didn't like his boss. Six months later, a light bulb went off. I left him with my baby in tow.

When I was 25, I married a man who was a good provider and treated my son like his own. Two years later, he turned into a boring nonsexual partner who'd rather sit in front of the TV than shower.

So I started an affair with a married man. I left my husband and went out on my own. Surprise, surprise! It took me two years and a broken heart to realize the married man was never going to leave his wife.

I'm now 30, and I've been with my boyfriend for a year. However, I'm scared he'll turn out to be another loser. I'm worried for me and for my son. He's been part of my relationships, except for the married man, whom he never met.

How will I ever ease my fears and stop comparing my current boyfriend to the others? — Three-Time Loser

Dear Three-Time Loser: First of all, you're not the person you were when you were 22 or 25 or 27. The fact that you're questioning your judgment proves that.

Now, make four columns on a piece of paper. Label them "baby father," "husband," "married man" and "boyfriend." In the first three columns, list every red flag you ignored with these men and all the traits that destroyed your relationships.

Then do the same thing in the last column. Be really, really honest. List all the things about your current boyfriend that are problems or potential problems.

Can you live with them? Or are they deal-breakers? Is he aware of them? If so, is he willing to work on them?

Seeing everything in black and white should show you the differences (or the similarities) between your boyfriend and the other men.

Before you marry this man, I strongly suggest couples counseling. It will help expose future difficulties, give you the tools to work through issues and give you confidence in your choice.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."