Dear Cheryl: I've been happily married for 15 years with two wonderful children. I thought my husband and I had a great relationship until I found a pair of ladies' panties in his suitcase when he returned from a work conference. We have a healthy relationship, so I was stunned. I questioned him immediately, and he came clean.

My husband has a fetish for women's panties. I guess he enjoys wearing them, on top of other things. My main issue with this problem is that he has a collection of them. He has over 50 pairs of panties from people we know. He somehow took them without them knowing.

On some levels, I think this is worse than an affair. I'm having a difficult time understanding everything, and I do not know whether I can handle this fetish. A few of the panties in his collection were from my sister and my best friend.

What should I do? — Now My Panties Are in an Uproar

Dear NMPAIAU: A panty fetish is one thing. Stealing panties from your friends and relatives is quite another.

You and your husband need to get into therapy. He needs to first understand his fetish and then discover whether it can be controlled so that he's not stealing panties. He must be made to understand what a terrible betrayal of friendship and a violation of personal integrity that is.

After working with a therapist who specializes in sexual fetishes, you should have a better understanding of what's going on and whether the situation can improve. Then you can decide whether you can continue living with him.

Dear Cheryl: I'm a 60-year-old male. I've begun to date after 20 years of marriage. I've encountered women who give me the impression that I've offended them if, after taking them on a nice date, I decline their invitation to sleep with them. I cannot just jump into bed with someone without really knowing them and forming a relationship.

I find that having a good job, owning my own home and driving a nice car is like hanging a sign on my back that says "CATCH." I've become a target for desperate women who are looking for someone to take care of them. I'm almost to the point where I don't care if I date again or not.

I'd love to meet someone with morals. I'm tired of being alone, but I'm not desperate by any means. No woman is going to trap me by having sex with me. I'm looking for a kind, loving and respectful woman who wants an old-fashioned relationship. — The Way to My Heart Is Not Through My Groin

Dear TWTMHINTMG: Not all men expect sex in exchange for dinner. You're proof. Not all women use sex as a way to trap a man.

The key is to keep looking, stay hopeful and maintain a sense of humor.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."