Dear Cheryl: My boyfriend and I are both 40. We have been together for five years. A year ago, he lost his job. He did consulting. He collected unemployment, but that ran out. Now he's living on his savings and is on the verge of losing his home.

He works with a few recruiters and looks online for job postings, but nothing has come through. I feel like he's not trying hard enough. I suggested he network with his old co-workers and employers, and he agreed it's a good idea, but he hasn't done it.

We're not married, and I'm not totally supporting him, so I feel like it's not my place to bug him. If we were married, it would be a totally different story. But it's still bothering me. Today he went fishing, for example. Should I say something? — Biting My Tongue

Dear Biting My Tongue: I'm not sure what "not totally supporting him" means, but it sounds bad. If you're supporting him financially at all — meaning, other than paying for half your dates — you're enabling him to put off the inevitable, which is to find a job, any job, until he gets the job he wants.

There's no point in bugging him. As you said, you're not his wife. Be grateful for that. In the meantime, be his friend. Listen when he wants to talk. Be supportive when he takes positive steps.

Dear Readers: We have heard from men whose wives no longer want to have sex. Some are so desperate they contemplate suicide. Here, unfortunately, is another story.

Dear Cheryl: I'm a 54-year-old man, and my wife is only intimate with me about once a year. To make things worse, she tells me beforehand that she doesn't feel any passion, and that I shouldn't expect too much. I've tried all the suggestions you've given, with the exception of putting your column in front of her, and this is why.

If I address the issue in any way, she tells me I'm disgusting and way too hung-up on sex. We've tried counseling, but we quit going before we discussed the intimacy problem. I bought a book at the counselor's request, but I don't think she read it.

When I suggested she see her doctor, she said that she was perfectly happy the way things are, and if I loved her, I would accept her as she is. If I couldn't do that, then I was the one with the problem. If I try to talk to her about it rationally, she mocks me and starts an argument, which just drives us further apart.

This has been going on for six years. I've gone from being a happy, caring person to a guy who wakes up angry, goes to bed angry, thinks about divorce and tries to figure out what is so wrong with him to make his wife thinks he's disgusting. I don't know what to do. — Miserable

Dear Miserable: Give your wife this column. She'll see, in black and white, how unhappy you are, and that you're contemplating divorce. If, at that point, your wife is still not willing to do anything, then you have to ask yourself what kind of commitment she has to you and to your marriage. It seems to me that divorce is a better option than being miserable all the time.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."