Just Can't Do It is the woman whose boyfriend insisted having joint bank accounts — no individual ones — was a requirement for marriage. I told her to tell him "no way!" Here's what you had to say ...
ANNIE: I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole, because I can't love someone I can't respect, and I can't respect someone I can't trust. But I guess that's me. The reason why he's insisting on this is because he intends to clean her out.
At best, perhaps he feels in a position of inferiority because your financial ability is way better than his and it's his way of compensating. But even if that were the case, I can tell you that giving him what he wants will not be enough. He'll then go out of his way to squander your money just to show how much in control he is. And at worst, he's a con artist, plain and simple, who always meant to swindle you and is going in for the kill now that there's talk of marriage.
I can't think of a way to word this strongly enough: Listen to your instinct. You'll be very, very sorry if you don't. You don't want to end up in the poorhouse in your retirement years, because some honey-tongued smooth talker cleaned you out.
RILEY: As an attorney told me when I got married, don't have a joint checking account, as it will be presumed by a judge that all monies that flow through that for anything will be presumed to be joint marital property.
CHARLOTTE: What did she observe of her boyfriend's financial conduct over the last several years? Is he always broke, or does he handle his resources carefully and responsibly? Does he squander his money on his kids and ex-wife? Does he have a good job of long standing, or is this his fifth job in seven years and it's always "somebody else's fault"?
Those are some of the things I would look at carefully if I were in her shoes contemplating marriage. Marriage is always a risk financially to the person who makes more or who is worth more. And there is, in many instances, little you can do about it. A lot of times, prenuptial agreements don't necessarily do what they are supposed to do when confronted by greedy lawyers, of which there are many.
Even if she does have separate accounts, he can still get to them in a divorce in a community property state, by the way. I believe the larger issue is his track record. What is his credit rating? Is he is debt? If he has a negative or poor background in money, she should run and hide, or at least enjoy his company but not get married.
DANA: Over 40 years ago, I met a guy and fell madly in love. Within a few days, he was talking about marriage. I was 18, green as a gourd and as naive as a girl fresh off the farm could be. He told me we needed to set up a joint checking account so that I'd have "extra money."
Luckily, I remembered something I'd read by Ann Landers or Dear Abby, where a girl asked for advice about doing just that. Ann or Abby told her not to do it. Well, he turned out to be married already — he was 21 — and his poor wife was working to support his expensive habits.
Fast-forward 20 years and he's a suspect in a murder case. He allegedly forged the woman's name to a deed. Then she wound up dead. Coincidence? I think not.
Do you believe in joint accounts? Send your tale, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."
View Comments