Dear Cheryl: My wife and I dated during college. Three years later, in the midst of shopping for wedding rings, she said she needed time. I found out she was having a relationship with someone at work. After I caught her at his apartment, she emailed me a Dear John. Two weeks later, she called me sobbing and saying she wanted me back.

We're now married, and we have a large family, but she's never told me what happened with him. She denies having sex with him and gets angry when I ask her. She makes me feel like I'm the one who's at fault for bringing up the past. She says whatever happened before we got married doesn't really matter. I disagree.

Why do I need to know? Why am I still angry 15 years later? Why do I hurt? I know I need to move on, but I can't. — Stuck

Dear Stuck: The problem isn't what your wife did or didn't do. The problem is that you're allowing it to make you miserable. Why? Why can't you allow yourself to be happy? Until you figure that out, you're not fully engaged in your life. You're cheating yourself, your wife and your children.

Please see someone and figure out what's at the bottom of this.

Dear Cheryl: I'm a 23-year-old woman who was in an exclusive relationship with Mario for six months. During that time, we used a condom each and every time we had intercourse. After being with him for six months, he suddenly stopped seeing me and returning my calls. That's not the issue.

During my recent yearly doctor's visit, I decided to get checked for STDs. I was shocked when the results came back positive. I hadn't been with anyone for the six months before Mario, and I haven't been with anyone since him. How I could have an STD? — Devastated

Dear Devastated: That's a question for your gynecologist. In the meantime, you might ask yourself why you decided to get tested. Did you have a hunch? Do you remember a condom breaking? Are you sure it was always used correctly? Could you have been infected before Mario?

The important thing now is getting treated. And if Mario won't return your calls, send him a rather unpleasant text.

Dear Cheryl: After I got divorced, I met a man who was also divorced. After several months, we moved in together. We got along great. Unfortunately, my mother became ill, so I had to move to where she resided. I didn't speak to him for a whole year while I was taking care of her. One day, he called out of the blue.

He said he'd like us to start out being friends and see what happens. Then we had a disagreement, and he didn't speak to me for weeks. When he finally called, he said the only thing he could offer me right now is friendship.

It feels like he's pushing me away, and I don't know why. I do know that at my age I'm not going to sit around waiting for him to decide what he's going to do. What's going on? — Confused

Dear Confused: If I've got this right, your ex-live-in, who you didn't speak to for a year, says he wants to be "just friends." What's not to understand? Either that's good enough for you or it's not. At your age, it's not worth trying to figure out why he feels the way he does. It's better to just accept it.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."