Dear Cheryl,

I'm a divorced, 44-year old mom and have been dating a wonderful man for four years. We broke up for a while two years ago when I found out he was also dating two other ladies. (We had not discussed being exclusive, but I had assumed.)

When we resumed our relationship, we agreed to date exclusively. He maintains contact with both women due to business. Although I'm not totally comfortable with it, I understand. The nature of his business requires interaction once a year.

He had a lengthy relationship with one of these women prior to dating me and recently told me they had discussed marriage, but she wasn't interested. It was other differences that led to the end of their relationship.

Since we've been together for so long, and based on many of his comments, I assumed we would eventually marry. I brought this up organically during a recent conversation, to determine if this was something he thought about. He said yes. However, since that conversation, he has begun pulling away emotionally. When I asked what was going on, he says he feels I'm pressuring him. I feel like he's avoiding commitment. (He was married for three years and has been divorced for 12.)

To add to the tension, the woman he dated has attempted to resurrect their relationship. This makes me feel like he must be giving her some mixed signals.

To further complicate things, his home is an hour away, although his office is in my town. He stays at my home during the week and his house on the weekends when he has his son. He once said that once his son is out of school — he graduates this spring — he wants us to move in together, then eventually buy a home. However, he flip-flops on this plan enough to give me concerns.

I worry about uprooting my daughter's life on the assumption that this relationship will last. It's quite a bit easier to walk away from cohabitation than marriage.

There are times I think it would be dumb for me to give up a great relationship over marriage and other times I think it's an obstacle I can't overcome. Help. —MIXED-UP MOM

Dear MIXED-UP MOM,

Your boyfriend has quite a cozy set-up. Free room and board and nookie during the week and weekends free to stay in contact with an old girlfriend and discuss getting back together.

Here's the bottom line: You don't have a strong, healthy relationship with this man. If you did, you wouldn't have to assume so many things and you wouldn't be afraid to tell him you want to get married. You wouldn't need to have the subject come up "organically."

Now, is the relationship good enough for you the way it is? I can't answer that, only you can. If it is, fine. But don't expect more. If a general conversation about marriage makes him feel pressured after four years of dating, he's never going to be ready.

And by the way, why should he? Not only is he getting the milk for free, but also the cereal, the bowl, and the spoon.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

Photo credit: David Skinner