How do you go from being a smart and capable woman to a ventriloquist dummy? That's the question Jodi asked herself ...

She says she was "one of the smart kids, a brain, as we were referred to in high school." She adds, "I wasn't particularly outgoing, but I certainly had a circle of friends, yet around others, I was relatively quiet."

Jodi didn't date in high school or her first couple of years of college. She says: "I was confident in my abilities and knew I had the intelligence to do well in school and achieve my goals, but I never had any confidence around guys. In fact, there were times I thought I would never find a boyfriend, or rather, one would never find me. I've always been a decent looking girl, but in my messed-up teenage girl brain, I couldn't see it."

That was Jodi's mindset when, at 20, she reconnected with Adam, whom she'd known in high school. They started dating.

"He was a smart guy, from a nice family, but he had his own insecurities. He hadn't dated either," she says.

After dating just two weeks, Adam told Jodi he loved her. She says: "Even though I knew it was crazy, eventually, I gave in and said it back. I just sort of went with it. I think it became a combination of him talking me into it and a little bit of feeling sorry for him. I wasn't secure enough to step back and figure out if this was what I wanted. I went along because I thought, 'Hey, this guy loves me and maybe he's the only one who ever will.'"

They soon began spending all their time together. "Our relationship became what he wanted it to be," she says. "He would be bothered by me hanging out with friends. While he didn't demand that I not go to functions, he made it difficult enough that I didn't want to deal with his insecurities and complaints, so I pulled away from friends.

"He was very skilled at arguing or discussing things in a way that exhausted me. We'd get into a fight, but he couldn't let it go and let me cool off. It had to be smoothed over then and there. He'd wear me down to the point I'd just give in.

"I wasn't aware I was losing myself. Being somewhat quiet anyway, I found myself allowing him to speak for us both. My best friend from high school saw this happening and tried to point it out. I thought she was jealous. We ended up not speaking for years."

Jodi and Adam's engagement seemed inevitable. "There was no surprise proposal, no getting swept off my feet," she says. "Somehow it seemed like the next logical step and I just went with it.

"I think a lot of young women look at life as a mountain to be scaled and there are these steps you need to take to get to the summit, which is marriage. When you reach the top, you'll have everything you ever wanted and expected and your life will be right and orderly."

They got married two weeks after Jodi graduated college. She was 23. They moved to another state. Jodi started her career as a professional in the health care industry, and Adam studied for his master's degree.

Next, Jodi continues to disappear ...

What did you change for your partner? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not.