One of my all-time favorite columns is the column with women's rules that ran recently. But some of you think the rules need a little tweaking.
RICK: I wonder whether the rule about men loving a woman who's great in bed — though not the first time — still holds true for most guys. I'm sure there are American men who still feel this way. I have a feeling, though, that (to use what my eighth-grade English teacher would have termed "an unfortunate metaphor") it may have softened since the column was first written.
Personally, I've always preferred honesty in bed, and I still do. I'd hope my partner would bring her best whether I'm her first or 100th partner and would respond honestly without feeling she had to fake inexperience to build up my ego or because she worries I'd judge her based on her past.
If I'm at the point where I'm in bed with her, I should be OK with her past.
KEN: I've added some notes to the rules.
—"Let every new man in your life know that you've got a black belt in karate" will backfire more often than not. Instead, tell them about your concealed carry permit and your weekly trips to the firing range.
—"You're under no obligation to tell the truth when asked the number of your sexual partners." He knows you're lying, so the number you give will be mentally revised upward by at least double of what you claim.
—"Men love a woman who's good in bed. But not the first time they go to bed with her." Maybe that was true in 1950. The better you are, the more likely he is to call back. Have sex on the first date if you want to.
—"No matter how much they fight it, all men need a woman to organize their lives and their closets and tell them what kind of hair products to use." They really don't. And you'll come across as controlling.
—"Always remember: Inside the biggest, burliest, most macho man lives an ego as delicate and fragile as a baby chick making its first venture outside the egg." Women like to think this, but it's not true. What really lives there is a man who loves puppies.
—"Laugh at a man at your own peril." And keep laughing if you have a death wish.
—"The only women who look good first thing in the morning are the women who don't know how to put on makeup." Not true!
—"When splitting a dinner check with girlfriends, it's perfectly acceptable to take out a calculator." If a guy did this, he'd be banished for being a jerk. Figure out your share — with tip — and toss more than that on the table. Nobody wants to eat with a cheapskate.
What rules do you have for women and for men and for couples? Send them, along with your questions and problems to [email protected] And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."