Did He Get His Way? Or Is He Out of Work?

By Cheryl Lavin

January 14, 2018 4 min read

Whenever someone tells me their relationship is perfect, I think "uh-oh."

Angela and Kyle didn't know each other, but they knew of each other. They've always lived in the same small town, sometimes as close as 2 or 3 miles apart. They had the same group of friends in school, swam at the same place, went to the same parties. Kyle owned a small record store, and Angela used to shop there.

"I would stare at him behind the counter knowing I knew him but not sure how," she said.

They married about the same time, and then they both got divorced. And then, just recently, they connected on Facebook through a mutual friend. After sending messages back and forth, Angela gave Kyle her phone number.

She said: "It was magical because we had so much to talk about. He started calling me every night and we talked sometimes for four or five hours. It was wonderful. We had so much in common it was uncanny."

After two weeks of talking, Kyle told me Angela he'd been laid off. She told him it was OK. She wasn't looking for someone to support her. She had her own money, and they could do things that didn't cost much.

"We could go for rides on my motorcycle, take my dog to the park, barbeque burgers and hot dogs," he said.

So they met and it was "perfect." She says: "We couldn't believe that our political and religious beliefs were exactly the same. Things were going along beautifully, his unemployment was coming through and he was actively looking for a job.

"He constantly talked about our future. It scared me, but it was flattering at the same time. He'd call every night and we'd talk for several hours. I went to his apartment every weekend. He told me to bring my dog so I didn't have to go home and feed her. He kept saying, 'I don't know why you're being so sweet, but thank you.'"

And then, as quickly as it started, Angela got an email from Kyle saying: "I'm just not ready for a relationship. It's not you it's me. I can't explain. I need to focus on a job, I'm broke and need to get my thoughts together, blah, blah, blah.

"I was absolutely shocked. I e-mailed him back and asked what was going on. He asked me to give him time and told me he didn't know what was going on and a bunch of nonsensical BS that I couldn't comprehend. Finally he texted me three weeks later just to say hello. I asked him if I was ever going see him again. He repeated a lot of the same BS and then added, 'So to answer your question, no. Sorry.'"

Angela wonders why Kyle came on so strong and then withdrew. Was it because the chase was over and he lost interest?

I don't think so. I think it was timing. A man who's out of a job is not in a place to start a new relationship. I take Kyle at his word. It wasn't Angela; it was him. He needed to find a job and feel like a man who had something to offer before he could pursue a relationship.

That's what I think. What do you think? Send your thoughts, along with your questions, rants and problems to [email protected] And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not.

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