Q: I hope you don't mind a kid asking you a question. My parents read your column and you'll make them, or me, happy. First, I want to be clear: I don't consider myself a victim and am proud of my response to a traumatic situation. But my family is giving me hell and I'm hoping to get a bit of neutral support. I'm neither foolish nor dumb. I am a 17-year-old lady, very smart, pretty and tough. Home alone last Saturday afternoon, I was confronted by two burglars who demanded money. I was momentarily terrified and said, "OK." When they took out a roll of duct tape, I got furious and began swinging at them. I actually landed several punches where it would hurt, a kick and started shouting when one of them grabbed me, holding me by the mouth. They had a heckuvatime taping my mouth and wrists behind my back, and only then did I settle down. They must have been angry because they used half of the roll of tape on my legs and body before putting me in a closet and shutting the door. I was surprised, though, when one of them said I was a brave lady.

My heroics pretty much ended there. I tried hard but could neither break nor loosen the tape. I couldn't scream and my legs were too tightly bound to stand. My wrists were useless and my arms were bound flush against my back, making it impossible to use them. Perhaps, had I not angered them, only my mouth and wrists would have been taped, and I'd have been able to get to a phone or a neighbor. However, even knowing it would be hours before I'd be freed, I sat there feeling proud that I had stood up to a couple of thugs. Yes, I could have been hurt, but had I been demure, I might have also been hurt. So I waited believing I had acted the right way and with courage. That belief enabled me to endure the four and a half hours I had to wait until my parents came home. It wasn't easy. I was alone in a dark closet all bound up, barely able to twitch, but hummed and thought of happy things to keep my spirits up, determined to show my parents how resilient I was. I thought my parents, who have praised me for various things all my life, would be proud.

My parents came home and heard my groans, which I tried to make sound strong. They were obviously upset, removed my gag and as they were undoing the tape, I proudly recounted everything from how I pummeled the thieves to the ground to how being tied up and gagged was no big deal. They were shocked and very disturbed. They told me how foolish I had been, that I could have been murdered and that I should have just let them tie me up. The police were diplomatic and didn't settle our dispute. I love my parents and they love me. They are sick over this and weep when they reproach me about it. I'm hoping if they read your reply, they'll be comforted. And if you agree with them, I promise to admit I was, at least, a little foolish.

A: You're lucky to be alive and you are a brave young lady for sure. Your parents can't help but feeling both proud and horrified about what happened. You did the smart thing by handing over the money. That's what they came for. But your spunkiness was very risky. They only taped you tightly. Anger or frustration could easily have driven them to punching or smacking you, or if they had a knife or gun, using it. One single, young woman would have little chance of escaping two thugs. Those guys together probably weigh over four times your weight. You really didn't stand a chance in battle. Tears might have been more powerful and encouraged them to treat you gently.

When your parents found you, there were no right words to say. They raised you well and taught you to be gutsy and strong. They were proud, but your courage could've cost you your life. Here's hoping no burglars ever enter your home again, and that these have been caught. I'd vote with your parents that your spunkiness increased your risk. We're all thankful you're alive, so I hope my response doesn't make you unhappy, only more strategic.

Congratulations to you on your bravery, and congratulations to your parents on reading my column and raising you so beautifully. You are a great young lady!

For a free newsletter about "Helping Girls Build Optimism and Resilience," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.