Q: My very bright son who was a National Merit Scholar is now a freshman in college. I sense anxiety in his voice despite his overconfident words. How can parents help their gifted children adjust to college and be sure they will succeed? We know he is very capable, but we are really worried for him and don't want to add to the pressure he most likely already feels.

A: Every freshman in college feels some anxiety and pressure — whether or not they are National Merit Scholars. Actually, average performing high school students may have some advantages in the pressure arena, because past average performance only sets average expectations for them while high performing students assume that similarly high performance is expected by parents and is even internalized personally.

First, please tell your son he can phone you whenever he pleases and you will always want to talk with him. You may wish to designate a special time for a once a week call — preferably on a weekend. Speaking to him at least once a week will reassure you of his well-being while still giving him enough freedom and security. If he calls a lot more often, have conversations, but that is a tip that he's feeling some anxiety. The calls are likely to become less frequent with time and his increased confidence at school.

Ask your son about what he's learning and if he is finding his subjects interesting, too easy, or too difficult. You may want to mention the importance of staying on top of his course work from the beginning because, if you have attended college, you will probably remember that the tempo and pressure always build up toward the end of the semester. You could ask him about the grades he thinks he'll earn based on his abilities compared to the other students around him. If he hopes for all A's, like he had in high school, you could point out that he may be setting himself up for disappointment. While it's possible he could do that well, and you would be delighted if he did accomplish those high grades, you are quite aware and may remember from your college years that the courses are difficult and there are many, many other smart students in college. That gives you the opportunity to assure him that you only expect great effort and not impossible performance.

Young people do engage in much self-exploration and may change their minds about what is important to them many times over while they are at college. They meet diverse students; they are surrounded by many temptations and will also meet many excellent mentors and inspiring professors. They spend much time discussing with peers their lives, world events, career goals, families and also engage in lots of what appears to adults to be meaningless chatter. If you've given your son a solid foundation and he has practiced good values in high school, there's a reasonably high chance he will be successful at the university level. If he's struggling with any particular subject, please remind him that it's important for him to seek help early. There are tutoring centers and counselors on campus available to help students when they need it. An important predictor of college success is the past experience of finding help when needed in high school. Sometimes very successful high school students haven't needed help ever before, so this could be a new experience in college.

At the first holiday break times, suggest that your son invite his friends to visit at home or arrange to visit your son on campus once in a while (not too frequently) to get to know the kids he pals around with. Peers influence each other, and hopefully his friends are reasonably good students. You may also want to share my advice to college students that I send into this column once a year. If you missed it, you can find it on my website or send in a request for it.

For a free article entitled "Tips for College Students" send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.