Q: I have a wonderful 9-year-old daughter. Her father and I divorced when she was 2. When she was 7, we moved and I remarried. And shortly after that, my new husband and I had a baby boy.

My ex-husband lives in Michigan, and she visits him three times a year. She misses him a lot, but does not show it at home. In school, she talks about Michigan. Her father got her a cellphone to call him, but she makes no effort to do so; they talk only about three times a month. Our daughter gets lots of love and attention at home, and gets along well with my husband. He is a great father figure to her. She loves her little brother, despite her being rough with him sometimes. She is not afraid to tell us anything, and we have an open-door policy to discuss any subject.

My daughter has a great personality and is doing well academically. But there are a few things I have noticed in the last couple of years that have not improved. She often tries to get attention from other kids in negative ways. She also mentions Michigan in school at every opportunity the subject could arise.

According to her teacher, she makes jokes in class to get attention from others, and sometimes, they make fun of her for that. She is very sensitive and even though I think I'm doing a good job, I want to see what else I could do.

At recess, the teacher says she hangs out with the tough boys and not girls. My areas of concern that I don't know how to address are how to guide my daughter to eliminate the negative need for attention and how to ease her feelings of loss, derived from her being far away from her father. Please guide me with your expertise.

A: Your daughter was an only child until recently, and only children easily become addicted to attention. Although she appears to have adjusted to sharing your attention with her stepfather and new brother, her class-clowning and her continual comments about Michigan are only bids for attention rather than indicators of her missing her father. If she seriously missed him, she would surely call him from her cellphone. She would also be less likely to get along well with her stepfather.

It's great to keep the relationship going, but there's no reason to assume she feels a sense of loss when she is busy and happy at home. Her feelings of loss would likely be greater if you had divorced when she was older.

Your daughter seems to be doing well in many ways. But she'd do better if you weren't assuming she is oversensitive. Many adults love her. If her joking at school is inappropriate, you can give her time at home to tell you jokes so she gets practice. A joke during dinner can lift the mood of the whole family, and perhaps you and your husband can share a few also. Then you can laugh at the good ones and let her know if some of them are too silly or don't make sense. Developing a sense of humor is healthy, but telling jokes at inappropriate times causes problems at school with teachers and peers.

Your daughter wouldn't be the only girl who has been a bit of a tomboy, but it's likely she'll turn that around pretty quickly. Inviting over a classmate for a sleepover can help her to develop a good friendship. That "whispering together after the lights are out" seems to provide healthy bonding that typically promotes healthy friendships at school. Participation in Girl Scouts, arts, music classes or girls' sports are also great ways to make friends.

Your anxiety about your daughter losing contact with her father may be communicating to her that she should miss her father. It may also be giving her a path to receiving extra attention from adults for being a little different. If you can emphasize the positive in her life, her noteworthy accomplishments and her excellent school work, you'll soon find her to be a happier child. Basically, from what you've said, you're doing a fine job parenting and she is adjusting well. A little less worry on your part is likely to lead to a little less worry on hers, too.

For free newsletters about "Parenting After Divorce, Raising Resilient Daughters, or Children with Fears and Fearful Children," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.