You think you've got problems — health issues, money worries, trouble in the family?
Your problems are nothing compared to America's whiner — I mean commander — in chief.
For all his complaints about the media, you know what he is doing in the early hours of the morning? Not sleeping. Not thinking about that poor boy who came home from North Korea in a coma, God help him, and what kind of a nation would do that to someone for trying to take a poster. Not thinking about the poor people of Mosul, trying to flee under clouds of white phosphorous. Not even about the shooting at the congressional baseball practice, although he did say nice things in the immediate aftermath of the shooting.
No, the most powerful man in the free world was up all night thinking about how unfairly he was being treated, how bad it was that he was the target of an investigation that anyone who has been in Washington more than 20 minutes prior to the Trump era would tell you he brought upon himself.
This is what he tweeted at 6:55 Eastern time Thursday morning.
"They made up a phony collusion with the Russians story, found zero proof, so now they go for obstruction of justice on the phony story. Nice."
"Who are 'they'?" you might ask. Oh, just the former director of the FBI, the former director of Central Intelligence, presumably the widely respected-on-all-sides current special counsel, Robert Mueller. And everyone who works for those people.
If there was no wrongdoing, Mueller will find none. He is not a Democratic operative. He is not a dirty trickster.
But wait. An hour passed, and the whiner in chief was whining again.
"You are witnessing the single greatest WITCH HUNT in American political history - led by some very bad and conflicted people!"
Who are these "very bad and conflicted people?" Would that be his appointed deputy attorney general, who in turn appointed Mueller? Would it be Mueller himself and the other intelligence officers he is consulting? Why are these public servants "very bad and conflicted people"?
Or does he just mean the Democrats on the various Congressional committees who are doing their jobs in asking why various officials failed to disclose meetings with the Russians when asked by the Senate or during background-check interviews?
Are the agents very bad people? Are the Senators? Who exactly are the "very bad people" who hold positions powerful enough to investigate the president of the United States? And why is the president defaming them?
And then came the mention of Hillary Clinton. What in the world does Hillary Clinton have to do with anything? Donald Trump is the luckiest man on the planet. He should be thanking Clinton for everything she isn't and thanking James Comey for reminding people of the email mess a week before the election. In light of all this, you would think Trump should move on, should have already moved on, long, long ago.
By Thursday afternoon, the president was back on his favorite topic: how badly and unfairly he is being treated.
"Why is that Hillary Clintons family and Dems dealings with Russia are not looked at, but my non-dealings are?" he tweeted, and then, 13 minutes later:
"Crooked H destroyed phones w/ hammer, 'bleached' emails, & had husband meet w/AG days before she was cleared- & they talk about obstruction?"
Hillary Clinton is not President. And if she were, she'd know better than to start asking the director of the FBI about an ongoing investigation of a former close aide.
But even more importantly, on a day like any other, when millions of Americans and tens of millions of people around the world are facing heartache and hard times, the president of the United States should be thinking, even tweeting, about something — someone — other than himself.
To find out more about Susan Estrich and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.