DEAR SUSAN: I've had it with men. At least my girlfriends tell me the truth and are straightforward with their actions. I swear I don't know how to relate to the opposite sex. (Sigh.)

DEAR BLOGGER: Wow, do I have an experiment for you! It's a real shift in attitude, and once tried, I think you'll never go back to the old way of thinking as if men really DO come from Mars. The man you work alongside really is someone's brother, husband, friend. Look at him closely. Does he resemble some alien from outer space? C'mon now. You've realized for some time that men are NOT a foreign species, that they have feelings and dreams and hopes, just like women. Just like you. The thing is we've never been schooled in partnership, so we don't really know how to go about it. Well, as one of your advisors, I suggest treating men more like women. (That's got to be a shocker, so take a moment to recover.) What I mean is men are rarely offered the straightforward, sisterly gestures of friendship we women give to other women. Consider these examples: Ask a man to a casual dinner on a weekly basis — just a simple, relaxed, inexpensive meal. You pay the check — unless he resists strongly. And how about sending flowers to show this good man in your life how much you appreciate him? Nothing lavish — as simple a bunch as you can find. I've said before that romance isn't dead; it's simply moribund for being so darned one-sided!! C'mon, girl. Risk a possible rejection. It's good for the soul. It'll show you vividly what men go through every day of their lives, without complaining. Step up to the plate.

DEAR SUSAN: So, you dare us to change our ways and think more like a man? What else do you dare us to do?

DEAR BLOGGER: Take a deep breath. I dare you to plan your free time without leaving a space for possible dates. I dare you to think about Saturday night — the holiest of holies — as merely one-seventh of your week. I dare you to plan the week ahead as a unit. Pencil in at least two nights at home for building bookshelves and paying bills and painting your toenails. Also save a couple of nights for friends, and maybe a night for some unfinished work if you're involved in a big project. Get the point? I dare you to phone friends, male and female, and plan with them weekend brunches with the same equanimity as weeknight meals. I dare you to invite your very own mom for Saturday-night dinner out. Make it a "date night" with just you two, at the best restaurant you can afford. I can see right now the coupled geese who can't help admiring your poise, your company and, most definitely, your courage to be soaring eagles, unafraid to be different. But, hey, friend, these "dares" aren't intended to stop you from seeing men. If anything, you'll see more of them — and see them for the people they are, not simply as escorts. BUT this does put a damper on mindless dating! Most important, taking my dares is the end of attitudes that blind you to the pleasures of the single life. It makes absolutely no sense for a woman who struggles for liberation during the week to willingly shackle herself to exclusively date-related activities on the weekend. The point is that you need to consider your nonworking hours as usable in other ways. My hunch is that, for some time now, you've been feeling more than a little silly while sitting and waiting for some man to remember your phone number and call. Think about it.

We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

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