DEAR SUSAN: I can't stand it. My best girlfriends are turning out to be man-haters, and when we get together for some fun, the talk turns to men and what beasts men are. I don't agree, but I don't want to drop these friends. Help.

DEAR BLOGGER: This is a good day — a day that will be talked about in tales you tell your grandchildren, the day when you discover that you're not part of the red-hot anger put forth by fervent male-bashers. You just won't put up with the tales of horror you're hearing from your friends. Right now, pat yourself on the back and think of me. I like to think that "Single File" helped strengthen you to the point where you summon up courage to stand up to the crowd and refuse to be part of its anti-male crusade. (I'm smiling as I write this.) I'd like to think that my influence helped you strengthen yourself and become more able to give yourself fulfillment, a giant step forward away from man dependency. As you move away from needing men as saviors, you begin to like the good guys most of them are. And as that reality takes root in your psyche, the need for anti-male propaganda subsides. Not that anti-female stuff also fades away. Hey, I know men are pretty angry at us, too. But as we've said before, the only person you can change is yourself, because the urge to change must come from inside oneself. My sense? Men take their cues from the women around them — and when we soften, they follow. As hard as you and I have worked to reach this point, let's remove ALL the stumbling blocks, of which gratuitous anger is prominent. (To open a dialogue with your friends, consider clipping this column. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that hen party!)

DEAR SUSAN: What is this Fusion Feminism you keep writing about? Dish it out, Deitz.

DEAR BLOGGER: Feminism is a hot topic around these parts, and I adore being the one in the hot seat, the woman spouting the good (and not so good) points of this Fusion Feminism, the new take on womanpower. It's a softer version of feminism, a reclamation of the "soft" touches that have always been the best part of womanhood. As second-generation feminists, you and I don't have to shout our message — and assert our tensile strength — at the drop of a hat. We've been nouveau riche with our new wealth of power, squandering energies. That wasteful spending of anger has alienated potential friends in the male camp, making it nearly impossible to make new ones there. Is this why we've come so far, to escalate hostilities between the sexes? I think not. I say it's time to be creative and discriminating when we assert.

This Fusion Feminist, the new breed of feminist I am proposing, will move forward in her life with her selfhood well-defined and her womanliness undiminished. (Even, perhaps, with some irreverence blithely tossed into the mix.) This new kind of woman can practically assume that a man will understand her right to full partnership. She has developed herself to become a primary person, defined by her own achievements and no longer dependent on a husband for status. She does not feel pressured to deliver that message of independence; she IS the message, with her confidence and developed sense of self. Her strong presence speaks louder than words. And when this expanded woman enters a coupled phase, she retains her sense of individuality but will mold that independence to suit both individuals in the relationship, in the spirit of loving fellowship. She can graciously suspend the sovereignty she has earned, certain she is not surrendering one iota of her identity in the process. Willing and able to lead, she can graciously assume the role of co-pilot when the situation calls for it. She is optimistic about sharing her life, since a loving mate is, for her, the finishing touch. Now that she has brought into harmony the opposing factions within herself, she is better able to be his friend. She has built a life that is fulfilling, and now she is able to turn to a mate for the very best reasons. She can extend her hand to him in authentic friendship. The Fusion Feminist is too much of a person to do anything less.

We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

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