Some misguided women believe that putting down the male of our species makes them look better, stronger, more independent. Well, ladies, if it takes one of your own gender to blow the whistle on this mindless denigrating, consider yours truly the perfect candidate. I've been dumped, stood up and lied to, yet I have known bliss with male partners secure enough to reveal their craving for a soft touch. But enough about me. What's your story? Why the anti-male defense? Please read the following with an open mind:

Are you angry at men? Do you find yourself using the cause of feminism to cover your basic resentment toward men? Was your father reluctant to show you love and support? Did your elder brother leave you out of things? Was he the preferred child in your family? Were you badly burned by a teenage crush? Have men often made you feel like a sex object? Did they make you feel inadequate in any other kind of relationship? Do men make promises they fail to keep? Did you see your father hurt your mother physically or emotionally? Did she often complain to you about the male gender? Has a man abused you in any way?

There are lots more questions to be asked, but let's assume you are like most women and have tapped into some residual resentment in yourself. In these times of gender liberation, you are quite free to get to know the other gender not as dates or sex objects but as fellow human beings. (Quaint concept, that!) This may seem somewhat revolutionary, but befriending a member of the other sex might be the most fun you've had in a long time. Getting close to a man — as a friend, nothing more — is sure to show you that he, too, is vulnerable, that he, too, has emotional needs (unmet), that he, too, is at sea about what the other sex really wants and more than bewildered by women's emotional needs.

Some of men's confusions: What do women want — really? Why are women so easily offended, so easily set off, like a time bomb? Why don't they realize men are also stuck in routine jobs they hate? Why don't they realize some of us guys would love to stay home and be a full-time parent? Why don't they realize we're not so connected to our feelings as they are? Why don't they realize we're reluctant to admit our fears and insecurities because of the macho stuff we've bought into?

The truth is, sisters, you can stop (or at least slow down your bristling at men. As you've been digesting this, you've probably begun to realize they don't have the great advantage you thought they do. On closer inspection, their lives have as many sore spots as our lives. To dig deeper into this fascinating topic, I recommend Warren Farrell's book, "Why Men Are the Way They Are." And the next time you're in the company of women who begin putting down men, speak up in their defense or leave the room. However you deliver your message, let them know you don't blame men for your life's shortcomings; only little girls do that. Exit laughing.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].