Women, this could be you: earning more money than ever, pulling yourself up and out of the pack — and discovering that you may be soaring, but at the same time you're also pushing away those delightful creatures (aka necessary evils) we call men. In the wee small hours of the morning, you catch yourself wondering whether the old days of money-blindness and dependency were better than the isolation that's coming along with solvency.

But in your heart of hearts, you know there's no going back — even if you wanted to, which you most adamantly do NOT. That said, there are some ways you can adopt that will ease discomfort (yours and his) around that other necessary evil: finances. There are ways to keep this male-female deliciousness on an even keel, preserving mutual respect and preserving every grain of his self-esteem. The catch is that you yourself need to be alert and aware of your attitude, your ego and his reactions.

— Stop flaunting your credit cards, especially those flashy gold ones. Credit is a privilege, as is earning enough to merit it. Be proud of how far you've come, but don't ram it down his throat. Good credit ratings are not to be used to diminish a man.

— Become comfortable with your new earning power; assimilate it into your persona so that it becomes seamlessly joined to the woman you proudly show the world — in the same way you incorporate a new subtle shade of lipstick or a dry wit.

— Handle the financial aspect of a date with diplomacy — particularly if your salary outranks his. Your subtlety can express itself in as simple a way as handing him the tickets on the way to a show so that he can present them. (Jacqueline Kennedy handed over the keys to her car when she picked up her male guest. A small but telling gesture.) Let your man cook dinner instead of guiding him to a pricey bistro. He will notice and appreciate mightily your consideration for his feelings. As you watch yourself become more aware and considerate, particularly of the male in these sensitive times, you will realize how far you've come from your little-girl relationship with men.

— Of course, there are some men — boys, actually — who will be intimidated as you rise out of their tax bracket. But be assured that some men, perhaps earning less than you but feeling good about their worth, will remain open to the possibility of a relationship with you. They don't find the income disparity daunting. But why, you ask? Because they don't buy into the myth that money is the determinant of manhood. (Someday soon, we too will come around to that truth). And then there is another group of men (smaller than the others) not fazed by your level of finances — because theirs is loftier.

— The truth is that as you go up the income scale, the group of eligibles dwindles and the chances for a financially secure woman who INSISTS on marrying up decrease. (Ahem. How often have you and I bounced around the concept of widening social horizons by lowering your marital sights?! How often have you met a man who is wonderful in all ways except income, and you later kicked yourself for not considering him eligible? Well, dear wage-earner, it might be time to stop the kicking and start redefining eligibility!

You see, if you soar while keeping your sights steadily fixed on his goodness and compatibility rather than his tax return, you'll have access to so many more eligibles. The money you're making should liberate you from the tunnel-vision mentality that keeps you marrying up — and up — and up. It also liberates your man from the lucrative but stressful rat race. Think of it: you can liberate your love from his high-paying prison, so he can pursue the job he really loves.

Of all the many sides of earning good money, that has got to be one of its best.

You see, you can use your increased spending powers not to consume (you have enough lipsticks and shoes to last five years!) but as an investor. Not only in Wall Street products, but in the people around you. This is a new power for us women, and it has a different feel to it: great. Rather than dissipate our money (which is, after all, a form of energy), we're now able to expand our possibilities in new ways that bring gratification. Stiletto heels are finally yesterday's news. Shifting our self-image away from spending to investing, we have a wider choice. We can create all sorts of assets, some in human resources.

But we need to use our new financial parity with men graciously and with good will. This is the time to earn self-respect by dealing with them as friends who want the best for them — not as competitors racing toward the almighty dollar. We've got a ways to go, though, for in general we earn less than men. We still look to them for financial protection and play the damsel-in-distress card when in a bind. But we're definitely headed in the right direction: up, up and toward parity.

As a form of energy, money demands respect. Like time, it's a commodity to be neither squandered nor hoarded, but prudently apportioned.

Handled intelligently, money can make the difference between reality and dreamstuff, influencing our lives as surely as our attitudes, beliefs and expectations.

Over time, solvency evolves into the degree of security and autonomy that puts you in charge of your life. Male or female, that's where I want you to be.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected]. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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