DEAR SUSAN: In a recent column, you dealt with a reader's opinions of gender roles, specifically the way men are being robbed of their masculinity. He ended his letter by saying that the fact that 1 in 6 men older than 35 are vasectomized is proof of men's changing status. The context of his letter aside, I'm quite surprised you didn't challenge that statement. You yourself must know, Susan, that having a vasectomy doesn't alter a man's virility and that actually choosing to have one is the act of a responsible partner and father. By doing his part to prevent unintended pregnancy, a man is taking care of his wife, his existing children and the planet. What could be manlier? Surely, you owe it to your readers to clarify this. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Let's set the record straight. A vasectomy is a medical procedure that in no way lessens a man's masculinity. The fact is that I can say that from (almost) personal experience, as I shared it with someone quite close to me. He opted to go through this procedure and lovingly shared his most intimate thoughts with his family — before and afterward. Other than some good-natured joking at the poker table, his buddies treated the decision with respect — and a little awe. Any responsible person knows the value of the procedure. There is no diminution of virility or potency afterward; there's maybe even more carefree enjoyment between partners.

Yes, the reader's letter caused quite a stir, sparking heated discussion in some circles. Believe it or not, some distortions still linger — that the male gender is being robbed of its potency bit by bit by a conspiracy to demasculinize the planet. But only ignorance of the facts feeds it. Once you know the truth about vasectomizing — and the wonderful gift it is to all of us — the decision is clear.

DEAR SUSAN: I'm not blaming you. I'm only venting my feelings. Somehow you seem to imply that if people do what should be done — that is, stop looking for a mate — then magically someone shows up. That's never worked for me. I've been an engine running full throttle with nothing to pull. A fellow blogger made a good suggestion: to ask men in relationships how they met the woman they're with. I've never done that, but I have asked therapists, advisers and singles coaches. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: OK, friend. You've asked fully credentialed "experts" — awesomely qualified specialists in the world of love — just what it takes to find a love of your own. And with all that, you've come up empty-handed. Even worse, you've become bitter and lost all hope of ever finding your own love partner. (Nothing drives people away like a cynical loser, so please don't give in to the urge to blame the world.) I'm not sure who made the suggestion, but the more I roll it over in my mind the more I agree with the direct approach of asking partnered men how they met that partner. The first few times, you might feel awkward, but consider throwing a stag potluck dinner at your home during the week and asking friends just how they met their partner. Make sure the food is good, the beer cold and the tone of the crowd informal. (You might even tell people to come as they were when you phoned and asked them to your home.) Have pad and pencil handy for helpful tips and suggestions. Hey. Isn't that what friends are for?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

Photo credit: Blondinrikard Fröberg