DEAR SUSAN: Your reader wants to know how she can tell whether someone's intentions are personal or professional. Here (from the male viewpoint) is how I handle things when a woman in my office asks me out. Of course, if the invitation is for cocktails after work rather than for lunch, odds are she has more on her mind than an after-work get-together. But if I accept what I think is a "harmless" lunch and during the meal the woman says something like "The museum has a new exhibit; would you like to see it with me?" and I don't want to take our personal relationship further, I can always say, "I'd love it, but my after-hours are pretty well filled by my girlfriend." And if I were asked out for drinks after working hours, I could tactfully answer, "I'd love to join you for cocktails, but I don't think my girlfriend would like it." This gives the woman one of two graceful exits. If her intentions were strictly platonic, she might answer, "She has nothing to fear. I just wanted to pick your brain about the new software system our company installed." But if the invitation had another reason behind it, the woman could save face with "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that" and back down with her ego intact. — From the 'Single File' Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Yep. Girlfriends can come in pretty handy when you need them. And when you don't? Aye, there's the rub. For in those dark and lonely nights when the pillow on the other side of the bed is glaringly empty, what's a lonely bachelor to do? Being harpooned on all sides by leering co-workers (female and otherwise) eager to share more than his charms outside the strict code of working hours wasn't talked about in the office manual. So, what's a fellow to do about being hit on at work? Trot out the ever-ready girlfriend again? A year or so working side by side with a bachelor who never takes his "relationship" to the next level is bound to make more than one co-worker just a little bit suspicious. So, the game goes on; the handy girlfriend never appears at office parties, never sends a congratulatory card when a co-worker gets engaged. In time, suspicions are bound to flourish. But the company's work must be done, first and foremost. So, the after-hours invitations, politely turned down, continue to feed office gossip. Is that girlfriend ploy getting a bit stale?

DEAR SUSAN: I'd like your take (and your readers' reaction) on what would possess a man (maybe he's possessed?) to proposition me after what seemed like a normal phone conversation. Here are the meager details: I responded to his normal ad on a religious dating website. We had ONE phone conversation lasting about 25 minutes in which he talked mainly about himself, took a few deep breaths and then resumed talking. About himself. We ended the conversation planning to meet for coffee in two days. (I should have been suspicious when he said if things "go well" he would take me to dinner Saturday night.) Well — about an hour later he called back, saying I should check my email (which was connected to the dating website, not my personal email). I did and was shocked (and I don't shock easily) to find a fairly explicit note stating what he'd like to do to — and with — me. His plan was to jump into bed and "make love" immediately, then take me to dinner to celebrate. I turned him down via email, but he phoned the next night, saying this was something he really wanted (ignoring what I wanted) and stating he was "a terrific catch." I wished him luck and hung up. He sent me yet another email (again, on the website) and asked if I would phone him to talk. I didn't. Susan, I ask you: What on earth was he thinking? (And what was he thinking with?) Are there men who honestly still believe the promise of a dinner on Saturday night is a big enough enticement? (By the way, he was serious.) I am trying to keep my sense of humor. — From the 'Single File' Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: While you're trying to keep your sense of humor — which isn't easy — it might help to start a running (as on the dating treadmill) diary of your experiences with men you meet on your religious dating site. Not only would it give you a few laughs, but it would help you feel as if you were reading a good book — written by some other woman, not you. Your dating life (ridiculous at best) would begin to feel as if it were written by someone else — another woman who's in the same boat but smiling at its absurdity. That objectivity could help ease the slings and arrows of outrageous phone calls (ahem!) and keep you centered while you look for a good man. And while we're on the subject, you might want to make a test run on an interest-oriented dating website. Tastes and values often go along with interests, so once in a while consider making a strong interest of yours the common denominator. Think of all the compatible men out there — and what they'd add to your burgeoning diary!

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected]. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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