This could be you: making more money than ever and moving away from the pack, only to discover that in pulling yourself up, you're pushing men away. In the small hours of the morning, you catch yourself wondering whether the old days of money-blindness were better than the isolation solvency is bringing. In your heart of hearts, you know there's no going back — even if you wanted to, which you most definitely do not. But there are changes that can make men more comfortable in your presence.
—Stop flaunting credit cards, especially if you have one of those "gold" cards. Credit is a privilege, as is earning enough money to deserve it. Be proud, but don't push it. Never use your credit rating to diminish a man.
—Learn to become comfortable with your new earning power; let it become part of you, like a subtle shade of lipstick. Don't hide it, but don't show it off, either. As with your singleness, let it be simply another fact of your life in the overall picture.
—When you meet a man who interests you and you make the first move toward him, handle the financial end of the evening as discreetly as you can, especially if your salary is higher than his. It may be as simple a thing as handing him the tickets when you're treating or letting him cook dinner at home for the two of you instead of having dinner out. He'll admire (and appreciate) your tact and consideration. Small gestures can have enormous impact. (I seem to remember that when Jacqueline Kennedy drove to the railroad station to meet a man, she would slide over on the front seat and hand him the keys to the car. Enough said?)
Of course, there are some men — insecure and weak — who will be intimidated as you rise. Others, earning less than you but fulfilled in their profession and happy with themselves, will remain open to the possibility of a relationship with you. And there is a smaller group that dwindles as your earning power rises — those who will be undaunted by your finances because they earn still more. Yes, dear reader, there is a smaller chance for the financially secure woman who insists on marrying up. But if, as you soar, you keep your eye fixed on the goodness and compatibility of a man rather than on his tax return, you will have access to many more of the good men (who do indeed exist) because you have liberated yourself from the income needs that have been restricting your choice. Solvency is a many-sided freedom, and this is one of its very best aspects.
Learning to tend your money is, in some ways, linked to learning to tend your other needs. The way we plan our finances is a significant measure of our ability to nurture and feed ourselves — and our selfhood. We've got a way to go, because in general we still earn less than men, but we're definitely on the path headed in the right direction. Upward.
Money is a form of energy and so demands respectful treatment. Like time, it is a commodity to be neither squandered nor hoarded but prudently accumulated to create wealth, stability and opportunity. Handled with intelligence, money can make the difference between reality and dreams, influencing your life as surely as attitudes and beliefs. Over time, solvency evolves into bedrock security and financial autonomy that puts you in charge of your life. And that is where I want you to be.
DEAR READERS: We've uncovered a treasure-trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, ready to read. Send $15 and your address to: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. I'll send you a signed copy.
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