I left that tiny apartment when I remarried (no more sleeping in the living room), but the principles and benefits developed during my As-If years came with me into wifehood. See if you agree that some or all of the benefits of that undependent phase can be brought into coupled life:

CONTINUITY: Your life has a plan, and your major actions are in line with it.

CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM: Your self-image is nourished by seeing your capability in action.

INDEPENDENCE: You are taking charge of your life now, rather than waiting to hand the reins over.

SIMPLER DECISION-MAKING: You are approaching every problem with the same organized mindset, rather than sorting through confusion, conflicts and uncertainty to solve each one separately.

APPROACHING YOUR LIFE AS REAL AND IMMEDIATE: Your decisions are based on what is, not what could be, might be or should be.

FREEDOM FROM IMAGINED/UNREAL LIMITATIONS: (Only you know which ones are limiting and confining your life.) The As-If answer is waiting to be discovered inside that dreaded What-If query, but its power depends solely on you. Before it can reshape your life, you must first accept your current status. That nod, which will strengthen as you make your exit from the waiting room more and more final, is the make-or-break factor. Denied, this single space in your life will continue to be a twilight existence spent daydreaming of love and wifehood, and never fully acknowledging the potency right under your nose.

This single space can be a time of supercreativity — or an endless interim. You choose.

(While you're musing, an anecdote): There once was a little girl who always did what was asked of her. One day in school, when she went to ask her teacher a question, the teacher was busy and told her to sit down and wait. For the present. All morning the girl did as she was told, refusing to leave her seat even when the rest of the class splintered into groups to play games. After a while, the mystified teacher asked the girl why she didn't join the rest of the class. "I'm sitting here waiting for my present," was her reply.

So much for misunderstandings. And passivity. I rest my case.

We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks - in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

Photo credit: JUrban at Pixabay