DEAR SUSAN: "If you are looking to the other person for validation and acceptance, you're setting yourself up to be hurt." Good point, Susan. I think that's excellent advice, in or out of the bedroom. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The truth is you've got to be your own best friend — advocate, buddy and, in the final analysis (the one that matters most), your best support. If you're not, if you present yourself to the world as unsure and self-doubting, deficient in confidence, the odds of being diminished significantly soar. In and out of the bedroom — in super-sensitive places where vulnerability is the name of the game — you must be sure of your own worth. Make those words part of your DNA.

DEAR SUSAN: There's no use denying that women are attracted to bad boys, at least at a certain age. Almost all of us are. But it depends on how you define "bad." A man who is powerful, is aggressive in business, doesn't let bullies push him around and gives the impression he'd fight to defend you if need be is much more attractive than one with terminal niceness who grins feebly while asking whether it would be all right to kiss you on the cheek. I married a man who's "nice" but also sure of himself. He watches action films and plays aggressive sports, with no apologies for doing so. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: What does niceness have to do with self-confidence? The bad boys in my memory led girls on for the fun of it and would do or say anything to get what they came for. Looking back, it wasn't so much their sly ways that attracted me; it was the boringness (if there is such a word) of the good guys. For some reason, goodness equaled boring, so the bad boys got their way. For a while.

When women got hip to what they really wanted in a partner — what their deepest needs were — they unapologetically recalibrated their ideal man. The wonder of it all? Knowing what we women need — and won't settle for — we can extend our hand in true friendship to men. No, no bad boys will do. Yes, we want a truly good person, strong in his convictions and his protectiveness of us but an ally and a friend no matter what. Liking is sexier than loving, take it from me. But why not have it all? Friend, lover and helpmate. Sounds like a winning ticket.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

Photo credit: Jeremy Segrott