Fourteen Republican presidential candidates, some onstage and some by electronic hookup, gathered in New Hampshire on Monday night and expressed political views that ran the gamut from A to B.

They are conservative or very conservative. They agree that Ronald Reagan would make a fine candidate were he not constitutionally ineligible and no longer alive. (Also, the Republican Party of today would not find him far enough to the right.)

At Saint Anselm College in Manchester, New Hampshire, the future of the party gathered, and it pretty much looked like the past. Almost without exception, the candidates were white men in dark suits.

Almost without exception, they have not led tough lives. Which means they have to borrow the suffering of their parents.

"Two decades ago, my mother was a maid at a hotel. My father was a bartender," said Marco Rubio.

"My father was a coal miner; my mother could barely speak English," said John Kasich.

At least Chris Christie had the gumption to point out how difficult he makes the lives of others. "I'm like the bad relative you invite for Thanksgiving," said Christie. "I come early and stay till they clear the dishes."

One by one, they all seemed to stay onstage very, very late. Even though the Republicans have 17 major declared candidates, this doesn't mean human patience or human kidneys have expanded with the field. It was a two-hour forum, and like all two-hour forums, at the 90-minute mark, it already seemed too long.

Donald Trump, who leads the polls, did not show up, which left his Republican opponents with only one clear target: the Clintons. Bill or Hillary, take your pick.

"I've been dealing with (the Clintons) for 20 years. I'm fluent in Clinton-speak," Lindsey Graham said. "When Bill says 'I didn't have sex with that woman,' he did. ... When she tells us 'trust me, you've got all the emails that you need,' we haven't even scratched the surface."

Carly Fiorina said: "She lied about Benghazi. ... She has, as well, lied about her servers. ... These go to the core of her character. ... We have to have a nominee on our side who is going to throw every punch."

"Give Bernie Sanders credit. At least he's honest enough to call himself a socialist," Bobby Jindal said. "Hillary Clinton, President Obama — they're no better. They're just not honest enough to call themselves socialist."

Rick Perry got in a scripted line and then grinned hugely as if to congratulate himself for not screwing up. "(The) greatest days of America are in front of us," he said. "We made it through Jimmy Carter. We'll make it through Barack Obama. Trust me."

Jeb Bush, second in most polls, seemed nervous and scored with the crowd only when he attacked a member of the media. "I think we can grow our economy at 4 percent instead of this anemic 2 percent," he said, "and the fact that Paul Krugman disagrees with me warms my heart."

Earlier, Rand Paul had told CNN that Trump's standing atop the polls reflects "a temporary sort of loss of sanity, but we're going to come back to our senses and look for somebody serious to lead the country at some point."

Quite possibly. But Paul seemed tired — he had stayed in Washington to vote in the Senate — and it was hard to remember when he was the flavor of the month. "I think we should collect more information on terrorists but less information on innocent individuals," Paul said without explaining how one does that.

Ted Cruz found our future behind us. "I believe 2016 is going to be an election like 1980, and as Ronald Reagan said, we will win by painting in bold colors, not pale pastels," he said.

Scott Walker said he is ready to run against anybody, saying, "Whether it's Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden, I'm a new, fresh face."

Walker showed himself lacking only what all presidential candidates must lack: modesty.

Roger Simon is Politico's chief political columnist. His new e-book, "Reckoning: Campaign 2012 and the Fight for the Soul of America," can be found on Amazon.com, BN.com and iTunes. To find out more about Roger Simon and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Web page at www.creators.com.